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I'm OP. No, I do not live at home. I haven't lived at home in 5 years. I currently live in a different country and I am in my home country for the holidays. I preemptively tell my parents where I go because they tend to ask that question when I leave the house. It might be the fact that I am female, but I don't really know for certain.

By woahlaura - 14/02/2016 16:26 - United States - Houston

Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 773

You deserved it 3 396

By thatsnice - 09/12/2014 21:19 - United States - Warwick

Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 117

You deserved it 4 292

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 488

You deserved it 3 775

Love is love, dude

By lonelyengineer - 19/12/2010 10:28 - Germany

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 038

You deserved it 32 218

By vanilla_blossom - 05/01/2016 18:49 - United States - Jackson

Today, I tried asking a guy I like on a date. He turned me down, saying that I "seem like a nice person and all", but after seeing those reality shows on truTV, he "would rather not date a Russian. No offense, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 292

You deserved it 1 581

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 215

You deserved it 37 078

By Coolios - 24/06/2013 14:16 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 898

You deserved it 3 905

By WasntWorthIt - 30/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 767

You deserved it 5 887

By fuckmyjob - 19/06/2014 20:10 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 023

You deserved it 10 182

Wrong place, wrong time

By And you think I'M crazy? - 22/04/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 128

You deserved it 6 295

Good game

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a volleyball game against our rivals. I hit myself in the face with the ball 3 times, fell flat on my face against the court, and later had an asthma attack with no inhaler in sight. We lost the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 192

You deserved it 6 911

By LexiD19 - 31/07/2015 22:56 - United States - Fort Mill

Today, on my second day at my new job, a customer called my manager with a complaint about me. He said I put the cheese "upside down" on his sandwich, and that made it taste bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 022

You deserved it 1 795

LexiD19 tells us more.

LexiD19 26

Saturday 1 August 2015 17:59

Hey, OP here! I just started working at Subway a few days ago, so my manager is still training me on the "ways of being a sandwich artist." While making this man's sandwich, I put the cheese longest side facing each other in order to cover all the meat evenly. Well, a few hours later, my manager gets a call from the same man complaining about the cheese being "upside down." My manager thought the whole situation was hilarious and enjoyed telling all of the employees the story. She assured me I didn't do anything wrong and I've been doing great the past few days.

By CMANIA - 07/09/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 039

You deserved it 6 632