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OP here. Just wanted to make clear that I wasn't drunk and he wasn't either. I still like this guy. Every time I see him I'm falling in love again. Point is that I'm really affraid this wil not work out (I hope it does, but still) And i'm not the type of girl who has sex with anyone this easy, so I'm really confused what to do with it. I guess I'll find out.

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 193

You deserved it 47 586

By JasonThorn - 17/12/2016 13:21

Today, my father gave me and my sister $50 each because he got a bonus and wanted to spread it around. Then he asked for our report cards. My sister did well, but I didn't, barely scraping by on C's. After seeing my report card, he told me to give the $50 back. So, love is conditional, Dad? FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 356

You deserved it 9 765

JasonThorn tells us more.

JasonThorn 20

Monday 26 December 2016 15:22

OP here. I am glad that a lot of people understood that it had been meant as a gift with no strings attached, only to have then attached later as a reward for performance. My dad never specified, "This is what you get for doing well." It was, "I had a great day and I want to share it with everyone." The truth is, if he had said he was disappointed in me but felt I should keep the $50 and hoped I would do all I can to improve, I would have respected him and listened to him. It's not about the money. It could have been $5 and I would have reacted the same way. I now understand that gifts are conditional and I have to continually earn every favorable reaction from him, on the off chance he intends to give one.

Who the f***?

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I woke up to find out I'd had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything because apparently I talked throughout my dream, and she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 951

You deserved it 5 951

Charming dude

By unzucht - 30/05/2012 16:45 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 757

You deserved it 2 501

By Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you. - 19/06/2014 21:05 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 834

You deserved it 5 400

By pigeons_suck - 11/05/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 437

You deserved it 2 808

By Garry - 04/03/2010 12:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half carving a block of cheese to make cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 007

You deserved it 5 756

By Lin - 02/03/2010 05:57 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 181

You deserved it 3 032

By Kallian - 09/11/2012 06:47 - Australia

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 809

You deserved it 28 043

Kallian_fml tells us more.

Kallian_fml 21

Friday 9 November 2012 17:02

18- It WAS a shit faced awesome night. 12- Yeah, I kinda was tripping.

Barter off!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got an email from a local company looking to have a website made. I looked over their request and provided them with a reasonable offer. I got an email back stating that they would like to pay me with liquor instead of money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 571

You deserved it 4 353

By SLOMan90 - 26/01/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 357

You deserved it 3 784

By Kiddo - 02/09/2013 06:49 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 045

You deserved it 7 452

Thanks babe

By Anonymous - 25/08/2013 23:30 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend gave me the painting he had been working on. It was a heart with wings, my name, and the date we started dating. We have been dating for almost a year and a half. He misspelled my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 659

You deserved it 4 987

By not living happily ever after - 02/12/2014 17:02 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I deleted a load of junk that was messing up my mother's computer. I don't know how I'm going to tell her I accidentally wiped out all of her wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 465

You deserved it 31 496

By Char - 09/09/2012 17:02 - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 581

You deserved it 4 058

By Chan - 26/09/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 206

You deserved it 3 147

By angry girlfriend - 25/08/2014 03:27 - United States - West Harrison

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 321

You deserved it 5 678

What a * liar, dude! What a *, weaselly, little liar, dude!

By nohablaespanol - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Sanger

Today, I had an interview for a job I really wanted. On my resumé, I wrote that I speak conversational Spanish, although I don't. When I arrived for the interview, my interviewer decided to conduct it in Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 658

You deserved it 96 013

Stereotypes

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 09:42 - United States

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc., and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personalities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 041

You deserved it 10 388

By webcammistake - 17/03/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks we're lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 111

You deserved it 75 870

By Jessi - 21/07/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband was trying to cheat on me while I was away at basic training. I signed up for the service to pay off his debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 869

You deserved it 5 804

By are you kidding me? - 10/03/2014 08:22 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I had to bail my brother out of jail because he started a fight with a guy who didn't like owls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 547

You deserved it 4 486

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 15:20 - United States

Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who I really like, and she happens to have fairly large boobs. I have a friend who seems to think I have an obsession with boobs, so I texted her last night reading "btw, no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 037

You deserved it 51 713

adamas117 tells us more.

adamas117 0

Sunday 20 September 2009 19:26

OP here. it was late when i sent the text, and wasnt really focusing on what i was doing. because the text was about my date, i was thinking about her, and subconciously went to her name instead of my friend's. its all good though. i explained the situation to her, and she understood.