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Hey, I am kind of astounded this made the front page, but I also realized that I wasn't logged in when I created and submitted this. I'm the OP. I should have phrased this better, but I was running out of room to create the FML. The actual story is that she flat-out broke up with me, and then went around and told all my friends, which happen to also be her friends too, that it was a mutual break-up, but it was my decision for the most part that split us apart, which effectively framed me as the "bad-guy". When I confronted her on it, she first denied telling her (our) friends this, then changed her story to "she couldn't think of what to say". All this while her new "boyfriend" (of 1 day) was helping her move out of my apartment. Sorry for the confusion in the phrasing.

By HelpMe - 25/02/2014 09:59 - United Kingdom - Galashiels

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 012

You deserved it 3 854

Stay classy

By chattyloz - 07/02/2013 12:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 843

You deserved it 39 875

By Not Engaged - 06/03/2015 23:30 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, my long-term boyfriend said that if we ever finally get married, his ex-girlfriend will definitely have to be a bridesmaid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 544

You deserved it 3 090

By collegegrad - 15/10/2013 15:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 752

You deserved it 5 609

How much?

By Anonymous - 21/07/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I was at the airport to catch a plane. It was very crowded at the gate and there was nowhere to sit except for a flat metal bench, so I sat on that. Turns out I was sitting on a luggage scale, so my weight was displayed for everybody to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 298

You deserved it 47 061

It's Thursday!

By horriblefashionsense - 26/09/2013 15:20 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 632

You deserved it 6 279

By addie19 - 19/01/2010 19:25 - United States

Today, I found out the antibiotics I'm taking can cause you to vomit unexpectedly. In the car. While driving. To work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 747

You deserved it 2 938

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 654

You deserved it 5 828

Vamos arriba!

By rog3rli - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized that even though I've taken three years of Spanish, the only words and phrases I can remember are from Dora the Explorer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 425

You deserved it 12 965

Let it out

By Username - 05/11/2010 22:02 - France

Today, I was reading to a child during nap time because she woke up crying. She calmed down right after I began reading, but soon started crying again. I was confused until I felt something warm and wet on my leg. She peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 049

You deserved it 3 635

By Anonymous - 26/08/2011 04:55 - United States

Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 671

You deserved it 8 651

By spockswifey - 03/11/2010 06:40 - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me. In the most sincere and honest tone, he said "if I ever have or ever will, there's no way you would ever find out. I love you too much to lose you", and gave me a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 166

You deserved it 8 429

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 822

You deserved it 3 976

By wellokaythen - 14/05/2013 19:52 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 947

You deserved it 5 124

Don't let them get you down

By Anonymous - 03/04/2012 17:48 - United States - Tucson

Today, I went to McDonald's and ordered a Happy Meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 325

You deserved it 5 262

Compassion

By zawbentley - 26/09/2009 07:01 - United States

Today, I called my boss to let her know that I was suffering from severe depression and that my doctor suggested I take a month's leave. Her response? "Glad you are getting help, however we can't hold your job. No need to come to the office, we'll mail your stuff to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 002

You deserved it 6 531

By Sad Student - 03/02/2014 03:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 634

You deserved it 16 075

By idiot says pussy - 21/01/2014 17:43 - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 436

You deserved it 7 947

By Anonymous - 15/12/2011 17:26 - United States

Today, while at family dinner, my boyfriend got drunk and told my entire family the things I do in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 906

You deserved it 5 572

By WaitedOut - 03/10/2012 08:07 - United States - Saukville

Today, at work, I got to wait on one of those tables where everyone had very complex orders, and some of them sent their food back. When the time finally came for me to bring them their check and receive my well-earned tip, I returned only to discover that they'd dined and dashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 384

You deserved it 2 145

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 314

You deserved it 7 773

By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 965

You deserved it 3 144

By vhtdgjj - 29/11/2010 18:26 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 308

You deserved it 46 984

By yay! - 08/11/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 796

You deserved it 32 296

By director416 - 13/05/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I had a really bad day at work and the only thing that was getting me through the day was the idea of taking a nice, hot, relaxing bath. When I got to my front door there was a shut off notice from the gas company. I won't be taking any hot baths until I come up with the $500 bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 927

You deserved it 49 192

director416 tells us more.

director416 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 23:58

The gas bill includes another security deposit of 150$ and a turn on fee of 50$. So, it was 300$ that I was past due on and I was doing the budget plan which was about 150$ a month. Only 2 months behind. As for the roommate, it's not her fault she lost her job due to down sizing and she is has been getting money from her parents... we've just used it for food. It's not a matter of whether or not I "deserve" to have my gas shut off. I do. I didn't pay the bill. I agree with that. The FML part of it is that my day was crap and then it got even crappier. Stop preaching and just read the stupid FML so you can say "Hey, at least I'm not that poor bastard." Get over yourselves.

By Gustav Fjorder - 04/07/2011 07:27 - Switzerland

Today, for breakfast, there were scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, bacon, sausages, fresh bread, croissants, brownies, donuts, fruit smoothie, coffee, tea and orange juice. Too bad no one bothered wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 907

You deserved it 10 350