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OP here. I was awake for about 2 minutes before they knocked me out again. My tooth actually broke on the way out so I heard the dentist debate with his staff whether or not he should just leave the root in. The dentist is a cool guy and even offered to buy me lunch sometime.

By horp - 29/09/2015 22:00 - United States - Torrington

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 690

You deserved it 9 139

Lookin' good

By racoonface - 19/04/2009 15:17 - United States

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 682

You deserved it 54 780

Revenge is a wheel best served cold

By jacked - 17/04/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat, and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be, I found a note. It said, "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex-boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 178

You deserved it 9 770

By LasagnaRawks - 14/10/2009 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 220

You deserved it 38 408

By thanksmom - 02/06/2011 09:27 - United States

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 923

You deserved it 2 997

By shaifox96 - 17/04/2015 03:34 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I received a terrible grade for an essay I worked really hard on. I had two friends, one being an English major, check it over. However, apparently I "clearly didn't use spellcheck" on this essay just like the last one I submitted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 959

You deserved it 5 696

By blank13 - 09/08/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 690

You deserved it 12 432

The thrill of it

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right; she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 307

You deserved it 2 909

By BikerGuy - 24/02/2016 06:31 - Canada - Alhambra

Today, the girl who likes me incredibly much asked me if she could come for a ride with me on my motorcycle. Normally this isn't a problem as I take lots of people out for rides for fun, but this time I had no choice but to tell her she couldn't because she's just too heavy for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 879

You deserved it 2 207

Get the hint

By -.- - 24/08/2013 23:54 - United States

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 325

You deserved it 8 113

By byegeorge - 17/08/2012 11:26 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 895

You deserved it 1 992

Kidblocked

By Anonymous - 03/07/2012 23:50 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 823

You deserved it 3 700

By JZ. - 30/10/2009 13:34 - New Zealand

Today, I submitted my 5000 word assignment. When I got home, my mother asked if I'd checked it through one more time like she always warned me to do. I hadn't, therefore hadn't noticed the paragraph on page 11 that she'd written, telling me to pay attention to the small details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 962

You deserved it 13 205

By Fmylife.25 - 03/09/2010 19:56 - United States

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 082

You deserved it 6 183

Pleased to meet you

By Holls - 12/04/2012 13:47 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I met a guy while out with some friends. He kept blowing up his cheeks, so I did it back to him and asked him why he did it. He pulled out a card from his wallet and pointed at it. It was a card saying he may have speech or facial difficulties because he had a stroke when he was 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 901

You deserved it 14 201

Pay your respects

By whymyliferose - 03/06/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 167

You deserved it 4 520

By DumbCuntApparently - 27/02/2013 20:52 - Netherlands - Hilversum

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 116

You deserved it 4 480

By Myyrh - 16/06/2015 01:48 - Switzerland - Basel

Today, my boyfriend told his friends he was dating me. We've been together for a year and a half. His friends didn't even know I existed before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 185

You deserved it 3 222

Myyrh tells us more.

Myyrh 8

Tuesday 16 June 2015 12:29

Yaaaaaay it got publiiiished ! :D Hi everyone, OP here =) Time for explainations ! We've been in a long distance relationship for one year and a half. So when he came to my place, I made him meet my family and friends because I was so happy to be with him, but when I came to his place, I never met anyone beside his brothers and parents (I still haven't met one of his brothers who lives far away from both my place and my bf's place). My bf lives in a small village, his friends live somewhere else and so we could not randomly run into them either. At first it pissed me off that he didn't want to tell anyone (even our friends who knew both of us), but then he started to be ok with it and to tell everyone how lucky he was to have me. He told his very close friends though, but the other ones never knew about me. For those who say I should find someone else : before meeting me he was with a girl during 5 years and that time his family didn't know about her, on Facebook he was even acting like "if you know a cute girl, intoduce her to me, you know I'm single" etc, whereas I managed to make him remove the "single" from his profile page (now there is nothing, it's not written "in a relationship" either but at least, other girls won't see he's "single" anymore) and I was the first girlfriend he ever brought back home and introduced to his family. So I'm kind of a big deal ;) Tha main reason he didn't want to tell his friends is because he doens't like people to know about his private life, but also because he is tired of people gossiping. Also I never insisted too much on meeting his friends because I am really really really shy and was ok with not having to meet people I didn't know but who had known my bf for years. By the way, his friends were mad at him for not telling them for one and a half year, but he said it was his choice and he was ok with it. And finally, I was not really complaining, but people here had the same reaction as some of my friends, and I thought it was an... original situation ! =) So, there you go !