The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By girlfromnowhere - 23/02/2016 11:06 - United Arab Emirates

Today, my boss asked me to work over the entire weekend. That would be fine if I didn't already work a 60 hour week. He also said the extra hours on the weekend wouldn't be paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 758

You deserved it 2 127

By ak_6694 - 22/09/2012 07:29 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 645

You deserved it 2 200

ak_6694 tells us more.

ak_6694 16

Sunday 23 September 2012 6:12

For anyone who is interested, she has taken it with good humour and is still laughing about it. It's one of those electronic scales, so I did briefly get her to believe that due to the GFC, the scales would say she was putting on more pounds than kilos before I came clean with the truth.

By Anonymous. - 31/12/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 639

You deserved it 5 024

By person123abc - 09/12/2010 05:35 - United States

Today, I sat in my room on the computer instead of attending the party of the year. I got kicked out because I wasn't invited. The party was in my back yard, hosted by my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 391

You deserved it 4 164

By aishyaslife89 - 06/10/2015 22:03 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found out that when I was 4 I killed my bunny by drowning it. Apparently, my aunt bribed me to do it because it pooped in her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 989

You deserved it 2 525

By Caroline - 24/02/2013 09:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 160

You deserved it 13 544

By Nico - 16/02/2013 01:37 - France - Asnières

Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to fire me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 226

You deserved it 3 199

By Eric - 27/02/2012 21:58 - United States

Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 327

You deserved it 24 633

By Kurda - 23/05/2015 02:26 - United States - Wallburg

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 537

You deserved it 2 768

Special ingredient

By Laviolette - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 310

You deserved it 40 504

By Anonymous - 25/04/2011 22:38 - United States

Today, I was at the bakery I work at. A man came in to pick up a cake he said he ordered, but we could find neither the cake nor the order form. He yelled at me about being 'incompetent' before remembering that he had ordered the cake from a different bakery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 141

You deserved it 3 003

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 05:32 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 52 293

You deserved it 19 026

By Eskyew - 23/07/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 796

You deserved it 9 021

By hnickell93 - 09/10/2012 01:55 - United States - Visalia

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 766

You deserved it 5 415

By Username - 22/11/2010 22:39

Today, I admitted to my boyfriend of three years that I have been suffering from depression for a while now. He took it as a good time to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 455

You deserved it 4 376

Creeper

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 019

You deserved it 4 201

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 235

You deserved it 10 498

By BEE - 10/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 244

You deserved it 47 553

Good boy

By fall3nrain - 11/09/2009 21:07 - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 827

You deserved it 7 184

By B - 18/04/2011 08:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 646

You deserved it 58 293

Professor Awkward

By Derpina - 21/12/2011 15:33 - United States

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 594

You deserved it 5 196

By S. Bauer - 02/11/2011 13:50 - Portugal

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 573

You deserved it 14 925

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 11:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 386

You deserved it 2 590

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, I found out I have an abscess in my bellybutton which causes me extreme pain and discomfort when I sit down. I am a receptionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 177

You deserved it 2 674

By happybirthday - 26/09/2011 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me a Paul Frank t-shirt. It says "I'm single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 637

You deserved it 2 870

Great work, son

By firestar772 - 12/06/2013 06:21 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 842

You deserved it 5 476

Great story, tell it again!

By BrianTheLion89 - 06/06/2012 21:37 - United States

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 666

You deserved it 3 762

By looking - 25/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 424

You deserved it 17 652

A step too far

By Charlie - 08/09/2009 10:46 - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 504

You deserved it 21 165

By PPP - 28/04/2015 15:05 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 696

You deserved it 3 347

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 984

You deserved it 4 900

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 003

You deserved it 2 554

Today, I presented my assigned chapter for a book we're currently reading in my English class. I really like the book, so I've been reading ahead. When I summarized the chapter, I accidentally spoiled a major plot twist that was actually in the next chapter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 120

You deserved it 13 137

Today, I broke the cheap-ass bed in a holiday cottage. All I did was lay down on the bastard, I wasn’t having sex on it and I’m not overweight, but all the supports under the mattress snapped. The owner says I need to pay, and now I don’t have a bed for the rest of my holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 70

Today, I was driving back home when I saw a yellow object flying off my roof of my car through the side mirrors. I thought nothing of it, then I noticed that I didn't have my phone with me. That's when I realized that the "flying yellow object" was my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 952

You deserved it 7 060

Today, I was paid to be in a commercial, playing a hiker, camping and grilling by a tent with my pretend boyfriend. To make our on-camera interaction more believable, I suggested to him, "Hey, I'm gonna feed you some food, into your mouth." His answer, "Naaah, I'm good." I got rejected on a FAKE date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 633