The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Lisa - 02/01/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 847

You deserved it 36 030

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:22 - Canada - Langley

Today, I let my son take my car out for a spin, since he just got his licence. He didn't make it out of our street before totaling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 436

You deserved it 15 171

Interested

By Anonymous - 03/06/2009 01:33 - Australia

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 418

You deserved it 2 702

You can do it

By Suomynona - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of the door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 731

You deserved it 6 933

By Anonymous - 23/11/2015 03:17 - Canada

Today, I drove three hours to surprise my girlfriend, who I hadn't seen in three weeks. When she opened the door, she gasped, told me to fuck off, and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 831

You deserved it 2 381

The price of love

By broke - 05/05/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 731

You deserved it 5 227

By WTF?!?! - 09/09/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 835

You deserved it 40 438

Cool beans

By oopsiecoffee - 09/04/2009 06:40 - Canada

Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like, "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with, "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full." He's the owner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 338

You deserved it 76 789

Surprised indeed

By fredo - 19/03/2013 12:31 - United States - Ames

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 099

You deserved it 24 137

By sarah - 14/07/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 397

You deserved it 10 175

By HWS - 15/04/2011 05:47 - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 312

You deserved it 7 782

By overexcited - 02/02/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 031

You deserved it 38 541

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 193

You deserved it 3 618

By monkeyzz - 12/10/2012 11:11 - United States - Sonora

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 592

You deserved it 7 008

Fight your own battles

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 747

You deserved it 4 801

By kaitiem224 - 22/10/2015 02:52 - United States - Pratt

Today, my boyfriend of one year and seven months left me for not wanting to have a baby yet. I'm seventeen years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 094

You deserved it 2 862

Let it all out

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, my four year-old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 925

You deserved it 5 436

Bad luck

By login_eddy - 17/09/2010 18:37 - France

Today, while cleaning behind a ladder, I banged my head on one of the hand rails. I stood up, cursed, and moved to the other side. To my luck, I hit the other side of my head. I now have two lumps perfectly placed as horns on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 676

You deserved it 6 749

Impossible

By Anonymous - 06/06/2011 14:18

Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said, "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 220

You deserved it 4 144

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 19:20 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 321

You deserved it 7 006

Hangry time

By Anonymous - 21/04/2011 18:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist to have a tooth pulled. The day before, I was too anxious to eat anything, so I went in with an empty stomach. There were complications during the extraction and now I'm not allowed to eat for the next 24 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 996

You deserved it 9 724

By Anonymous - 20/03/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my dad why it is important for him to clear the browsing history after watching sexual explicit material on the family computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 205

You deserved it 4 075

Thanks, Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 06:13 - Canada

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 896

You deserved it 5 990

By Teiu88 - 20/10/2013 14:34 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 706

You deserved it 6 911

By idonthaveauserna - 09/10/2014 16:48 - United Kingdom - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend admitted than he's been using Febreze instead of showering for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 237

You deserved it 4 890

idonthaveauserna_fml tells us more.

idonthaveauserna_fml 2

Friday 10 October 2014 18:04

OP here- It's a long distance relationship, he told me over Skype. I can confirm that he HAS had a (long) shower now.

By qwerty - 05/05/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 218

You deserved it 9 142

Curiosity should stay at home

By Anonymous - 23/09/2015 12:43 - Malta - Santa Venera

Today, I came across the word "pegging". Not knowing what it meant, I googled it and got a very graphic explanation. Seconds later, I realised that the webpage URL actually included the sexual nature of the meaning. The IT department have logs of every page we visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 320

You deserved it 8 408

By Anonymous - 17/09/2010 11:36 - United States

Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 488

You deserved it 3 521

Baby's got needs

By cheezeits - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my long-distance girlfriend asked me if she could see someone else on the side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 713

You deserved it 6 958

By veebenjoo - 28/06/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, I got asked out for the first time in my life. During a prank call. By a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 929

You deserved it 4 322

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 191

You deserved it 5 531

Today, I am struggling with exhaustion due to insomnia. The reason I cannot sleep is crippling anxiety - not about my complicated romantic situation, my pileup of work, or even my relationship with my father. No, I'm afraid of a blind ship captain I saw in a dream three days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 619

You deserved it 4 987

Today, my roommate pressed "snooze" on his alarm 14 times. I counted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 297

You deserved it 2 636

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in bed, when suddenly, he turned to me and started playing with my breasts as if they were turn tables and he was the DJ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 818

You deserved it 5 236

Today, my current boyfriend was so impressed by my blowjob abilities he sent my ex-boyfriend a message saying thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 086

You deserved it 6 443

Today, my mom asked me why I barely talk to her anymore. Well, mom, maybe it's because you nicknamed my stepdaughter "Leftovers," and call her that in public, like at family gatherings or school events. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 91