The Top

OP here. I guess this needs a follow-up. I was in a sailing boat with some friends and although there were big waves, the wind wasn't too strong so we thought it would be safe sailing. We were wrong about that. An exceptionally big wave came up from behind. The boat started surfing uncontrollably down from it and eventually flipped. I was caught by a rope and dragged under water. Fortunately I had a safety knife strapped to my leg so I could cut myself free but it took some time and I lost consciousness before I could make it up. My friends dragged up on the upturned hull of our boat because they were unable to flip it back. The tide was rising so the current pushed us close to the shore. In the surf we were trown off again and because of the waves it was too dangerous to approach the boat again so my friends swam to the shore, dragging me behind them. I regained consciousness for a while but passed out again as soon as we made it to the beach. Hope this answers all your questions.

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 321

You deserved it 5 783

No more treats

By Fatty1970 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 271

You deserved it 20 066

That's what I call Heavy Metal

By Jordan - 30/04/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing air guitar and headbanging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 315

You deserved it 37 462

Thanks but no thanks

By Nicole - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So, it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 953

You deserved it 3 373

By Shelly P. - 29/01/2012 00:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 557

You deserved it 3 552

By gassy - 29/12/2012 09:32 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 521

You deserved it 4 642

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 857

You deserved it 2 944

By Anonymous - 08/12/2013 16:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 756

You deserved it 4 127

By BeboKhaos - 04/08/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 815

You deserved it 9 526

By skidmark - 08/12/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, while standing completely still at Walmart, I was hit by a drunk man on a Jazzy Scooter. He laughed, said it was an accident, gunned the scooter and took out two more people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 447

You deserved it 2 676

By KnuckleSandwich - 20/07/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, I received a medical bill because my daughter thought it would be hilarious to try and fit her fist in her mouth. She succeeded in getting it in, but not in getting it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 681

You deserved it 3 758

By bip - 15/12/2008 05:36 - France

Today, I wanted to see if the frying pan was hot. I no longer have fingerprints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 883

You deserved it 57 468

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 15:47 - United States - Rochester

Today, my 12-year-old daughter informed me that she is eager to lose her virginity, "Because I don't want to be thrown into a volcano!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 875

You deserved it 4 099

By nolife - 05/11/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, my stalker - an annoying guy who's dedicated the past three years of his life to stalking me at every turn - somehow got a hold of my number and started texting me at 10pm about how I have no life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 418

You deserved it 2 989

By redvolvo23 - 12/06/2013 04:57 - United States

Today, I was bombarded with phone calls from debt collectors. After some investigation, it turns out my grandma, who has dementia, has been going into our mailbox and throwing away the outgoing mail because it wasn't addressed to her. I'm now apparently 3 months behind in payments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 240

You deserved it 8 397

redvolvo23 tells us more.

redvolvo23 2

Wednesday 12 June 2013 22:37

First of all ... My grandma was throwing away my outgoing mail, I own rental properties and I pay with money orders so I'm always right on my bank account, a lot of my payments are the same every month I never gave it a thought to double check, cause it's like clockwork. Even had I written checks my statements come quarterly. I keep copies of my money orders thankfully. As for my grandma we didn't realize she was this bad...

By pussystroker - 19/11/2009 17:20 - United Kingdom

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 355

You deserved it 4 012