The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Mr Loverman

By thathurt - 29/03/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, my college economics class had a big test. We all needed a Scantron sheet, but some people forgot some. I had an extra one and this really hot girl offered to buy it for $1.00. I said I'd give it to her for her number. She looked around and asked, "Does anyone else have an extra?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 121

You deserved it 30 161

By ohlordhelpmenow - 15/01/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my dad created a new rule: It isn't old until there's mold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 525

You deserved it 2 703

By Ariel_Mariaa - 04/11/2011 23:25 - Canada

Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 551

You deserved it 4 293

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 18:14 - United States

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 796

You deserved it 53 125

By benoit - 15/03/2013 12:35 - France

Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 105

You deserved it 33 764

Curious cat

By brittaneejanex - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my curious cat jumped in. She decided she really doesn't like showers and to avoid getting wet, used my naked body as a makeshift tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 280

You deserved it 4 788

By Broke - 27/07/2016 16:38 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boyfriend and I are looking at places to stay to meet for the first time. I figured renting a small vacation apartment would be ideal because he's not able to help pay because he isn't working and I'm not rich. He's telling me he can only be comfortable in 4 star hotels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 022

You deserved it 2 339

By Urinal Fresh - 02/03/2012 10:19 - Australia

Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 210

You deserved it 4 380

By honeybunny90 - 28/12/2013 08:23 - United States - Richmond

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 532

You deserved it 5 891

By SpideyFace - 19/03/2011 01:36 - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 945

You deserved it 5 875

By Anonymous - 06/12/2013 21:37 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 119

You deserved it 6 011

By slenderman908 - 10/12/2012 11:41 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I overheard my parents fighting about who has been the most loyal. I found out my Dad has cheated twice, and is still the most faithful of the two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 440

You deserved it 2 026

Great job!

By spleechick - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to bleach my belly hair. I bought some body hair bleach at the drug store, and I used it exactly as instructed. When I removed it, I was horrified to see my belly was about three shades lighter than the rest of my body. The hair was still exactly the same darkness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 481

You deserved it 24 993

By Anonymous - 13/09/2013 21:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old daughter holding a lit lighter to the underside of a spoon, which was full of baking powder. She was trying to breathe in the fumes to get high, and later confessed that she thought it's how heroin is made and used. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 626

You deserved it 6 085

By loserface23 - 28/05/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 727

You deserved it 3 989

By lightblue - 10/10/2010 04:33 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend is an active member of the suicide forum. He told me I should make an account too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 684

You deserved it 3 278

By playdated - 06/06/2014 06:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am so shy and friendless that my mother is literally setting up a play-date with one of her friend's daughters. I'm 25 years-old and this is my best chance at making a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 749

You deserved it 8 897

Nice guy

By fiercehawk - 18/02/2014 05:45 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 231

You deserved it 5 349

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 18:57 - United States

Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 034

You deserved it 7 043

Oh no…

By Elle - 23/02/2011 21:07 - United States

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 522

You deserved it 22 439

By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 18:50 - United States - La Porte

Today, the father of my unborn child told me he isn't sure he'll be able to make it to the birth, since there's no guarantee of when it will happen, so he can't schedule time off. This would be understandable if he actually had a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 023

You deserved it 6 318

By GeorgiaBOYY - 04/01/2010 17:40 - United States

Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 194

You deserved it 8 216

By Ann - 18/06/2009 19:40 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. While I was at the store, an employee came up to me and said, "You're beautiful!" When I came home I told my husband what had just happened. My husband then asked, "What was wrong with him?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 568

You deserved it 5 482

By mini matthylde - 19/11/2015 09:57 - France - Nantes

Today, I'm 4ft9 "tall" and I always have trouble reaching things that are high up. It's my birthday, and I got three footstools as gifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 55

By Disappointed - 31/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost. He was 14. I'm the 23 year old security guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 503

You deserved it 9 828

By disappointedjamaican - 31/08/2014 18:44 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 858

You deserved it 4 360

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 722

You deserved it 5 910

By Anonymous - 24/05/2012 19:23 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 305

You deserved it 4 759

Take the L

By lyla - 20/03/2012 19:15 - United States

Today, I was on the train ride home from a trip to Florida, and I gave my mom a call. While we talked, I made an offhand comment that all my friends back home must miss me. She knowingly asked if I meant my Sims and my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 395

You deserved it 5 263

By cuntocracy - 21/01/2014 22:27 - Australia

Today, my brother asked me if I wanted to see a magic trick. I stupidly said yes and now have a black eye from where he punched me. My dad thinks it's hilarious and my mum says he didn't know any better. He's 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 258

You deserved it 6 080

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was watching a movie with my sister, my roommate, and my girlfriend. Halfway through the movie, my girlfriend left the room and texted me that she was breaking up with me. She then came back in the room, sat on my bed, and enjoyed the rest of the movie with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 153

You deserved it 3 561

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 819

You deserved it 1 754

Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 754

You deserved it 176

Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Turns out, an African-American girl approached her and tried to play with her, but my daughter cut her off and said, "I don’t want to play with a black person." I have no idea where she learned this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 1 365

Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 058

You deserved it 53 835

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 703

You deserved it 4 177