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By DommeAshlee - 21/03/2013 18:42 - South Africa - Kwandengezi

Today, I woke up to my cat giving birth, on my bed. I adopted her from a friend, who told me she was spayed. Now I have a giant mess and a cat who won't let me move either her or her babies. Guess I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 098

You deserved it 4 479

DommeAshlee tells us more.

DommeAshlee 11

Friday 22 March 2013 6:43

This is OP. Mama and babies are safely tucked away in the guest bedroom. The mom put up one hell of a fight and i have the scratches to prove it. All six kittens are doing fine. Spoke to my friend, she admitted to lying about spaying the cat. I told her she could pay the vet bills and buy me a new mattress.

By thanksmum - 29/05/2010 17:39 - Germany

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 109

You deserved it 3 572

Give it away

By zobara - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, after my credit card was stolen, the thief made donations to charitable associations. Now I feel bad for asking for the money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 020

You deserved it 4 024

Dumpster diving

By rummaging - 18/05/2016 13:46 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 047

You deserved it 1 308

By Anonymous - 24/01/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, a co-worker passed me a note with information about one of our cute, new co-workers I was interested in. Her report? Simple: "Lesbian. Try again. They're EVERYWHERE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 173

You deserved it 3 685

Not a history major

By surrounded by dumbfucks - 13/12/2012 23:44 - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 018

You deserved it 2 160

By CrazyInLove - 10/03/2015 06:02 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I overcame my lack of social confidence and got a date for the first time in 10 or so years. After a while, my date admitted that she's a schizophrenic with dissociative identity disorder. I guess it's back to being single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 390

You deserved it 7 377

Down in the dumps

By lolographic24 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 660

You deserved it 4 216

Rock n roll

By theskippster - 30/05/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 095

You deserved it 65 961

Meddling

By monsterinlaw - 23/08/2011 14:51 - United States

Today, my obnoxious mother-in-law berated me in front of my husband's family for still working while pregnant. She says I'm harming the baby by not quitting. I'm only four months pregnant and I work as a nurse at a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 276

You deserved it 2 641

Yikes!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 280

You deserved it 7 260

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 732

You deserved it 27 282

So cute

By Anonymous - 23/02/2014 17:29 - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 231

You deserved it 7 629

Rawhide

By Anonymous - 13/03/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, while at work, a man came in wearing a very elaborate cowboy ensemble and went to talk to one of my coworkers. Once he left, I asked her how she knew a gay cowboy. She then explained that he's actually a farmer and her husband of ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 337

You deserved it 38 811

By booooo - 07/03/2011 21:38 - France

Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 422

You deserved it 41 860

By looking4newvenue - 23/02/2015 20:49 - United States

Today, my wedding venue called and canceled our reservation because we were double booked with a spaghetti bingo night, which they felt was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 643

You deserved it 2 972

PMS FML

By sarah - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me as I was leaving and said, "Have a nice… week!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 446

You deserved it 5 244

By mom2010 - 15/12/2010 15:07 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me that he doesn't think cheating is a big deal because everybody does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 018

You deserved it 3 933

By Fatality - 28/10/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 962

You deserved it 30 936

By emmamrose7 - 15/08/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 784

You deserved it 6 095

By TheAce44 - 26/07/2015 04:38 - United States - Davison

Today, my friend told me that Otter Box phone cases protect the phone whether it's thrown or just dropped. I disagreed. He then threw his phone across the room into a cement wall to prove it. The phone's screen was completely shattered and now he thinks I owe him a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 533

You deserved it 2 830

By anonymous - 29/03/2012 15:42 - United States - Houston

Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 910

You deserved it 2 250

By Ihatemylife - 03/03/2013 12:17 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 908

You deserved it 6 370

By thatsasquee - 21/05/2011 06:42 - Canada

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 360

You deserved it 5 786

By protoplasm stole my seat - 26/01/2013 01:24 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 529

You deserved it 2 821

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 06:29 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 747

You deserved it 3 937

By foutu - 21/02/2010 11:52 - France

Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 795

You deserved it 7 743

By flowerchildd2 - 12/12/2011 23:17 - United States

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 496

You deserved it 3 038

By UHM - 06/10/2013 21:54 - United States

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my mom. The first thing my mom did was look at her breasts and mention that no matter what happens, hers were the first that I suckled on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 307

You deserved it 4 020

By birdfoooo - 29/11/2011 15:26 - United States

Today, as I was leaving Walmart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 023

You deserved it 55 240

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The Top

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 450

You deserved it 17 693

Today, my grandpa’s estate is being sued. Over his career as a cross country truck driver, he impregnated dozens of women, some of which were underage. Now so many of them are suing, my grandma might lose the house that’s been in our family for generations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 127

Today, I realized i'm practically incapable of actually getting a job. I'm 19 years-old, with no workforce experience, I frequently apply to jobs and regularly follow up with them on a consistent basis, yet they still ghost or reject me outright. These are minimum wage, starter-level jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 132

Today, my boyfriend starting going off on me, calling me a psycho, all because I opened our bedroom door while he was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 131

Today, I took my date ice skating, even though I’m terrible at it. I always knew I had shit balance, but I practically spent the entire time clinging to the wall, while she glided gracefully around me like an Olympic skater. At one point, she laughed and said, "You’re graceful like a cat… slipping across a frozen patio!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 362

Today, I asked about 30 students and 3 of my teachers to sign my yearbook. So far, only my math teacher agreed to write in it. He wrote, "You need to try harder next year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 440

You deserved it 1 789