Miscellaneous Why so serious?

Why so serious?

DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Quality family time

really mature, GRAN - 25/12/2012 20:59 - United States - El Macero

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

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aelia_oups - 31/12/2012 22:09 - France - Taverny

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

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Anonymous - 16/06/2017 06:00 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

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lady_jeni - 09/07/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has Alzheimer's and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

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phonesmuggler - 18/04/2013 19:30 - United States

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

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Chill out

Bruce - 01/12/2022 18:00

Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML

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It wasn't me!

cantwin - 31/05/2013 13:54 - Belgium - Zwevegem

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

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Anonymous - 10/05/2013 19:28 - United States - Warren

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

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Anonymous - 17/02/2012 08:01 - United States

Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML

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Jaws - 10/02/2011 16:09 - France

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

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arniebrah 8

Monday 18 June 2012 16:03

Lol that's like 3 FMLs in one

BuffaloSabres134 8

Monday 18 June 2012 16:03

I hate it when that happens.

cfunk13 1

Monday 18 June 2012 20:14

what the hell did i just read....

cfunk13 1

Monday 18 June 2012 20:15

but tht really sux ass none the less yet funny

llortemageht 7

Monday 18 June 2012 20:45

Maybe she was about to overdose on potassium from them

missyfiona89 28

Monday 18 June 2012 21:02

Didn't u know that an average of 13% of suicides in America consist of bananas?

Leslier_fml 4

Monday 18 June 2012 21:20

You should have played along. Lol

Jasonf6 0

Monday 18 June 2012 22:51

Sounds like she's gonna be just like her mother: an idiot.

vanessaizawesome 8

Monday 18 June 2012 23:02

Your grandmother really couldn't kill herself with a banana!

samikitty961 8

Monday 18 June 2012 23:09

Sie isst die Banane, ohne was von den Folgen zu ahnen...

Spark_Slicker 19

Monday 18 June 2012 23:48

In their defense, it WAS a banana.

stevo918 3

Tuesday 19 June 2012 0:02

Knife or banana

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, having forgotten my knife at home, I nervously took a bite of my cheesy brat at work. It didn’t splatter on my clothes like I worried it would, but it did splatter all over my desk, keyboard, computer screen, and paperwork. I can't get the cheese out from under the keys. FML

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Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

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Today, I found out that even though I suffer from insomnia most days, I can sleep within 5 minutes of studying Solid Mechanics, especially when I have an end term the next day. FML

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Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. As I went to shake her dad’s hand, my nervous, sweaty palm slipped right off and I ended up tapping him on the wrist. He gave me the most judgmental look while I awkwardly apologized and wiped my hand on my pants. FML

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Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

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Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years, with whom I was hoping to have a future, to talk to him about it, all he said was, "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

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