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Anonymous - 23/08/2016 08:38

Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off, so he decided to give us both a lecture about it. My brother ended up saying, "If God doesn't want me to jerk off, how come he made my knob the perfect shape to fit in my hand?" I burst out laughing and now we're both grounded. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 25/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

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jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

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Baseless assumptions

afafakfhsg - 19/02/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

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Weirdo

concernedsis - 04/02/2016 14:53 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

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No fun allowed

but cum to think of it... - 03/07/2015 21:29

Today, my extremely religious mom ranted at me, saying I'd only bought an electric toothbrush so I could masturbate with it. I'm a guy. FML

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Anonymous - 20/05/2016 16:59 - United States - Harker Heights

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

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Caught red handed

scarred_sibling - 15/10/2012 12:10 - United States

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

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Hard in flip flops - 21/01/2018 06:00

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

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Perv

Anonymous - 05/11/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to convince my nine year-old brother to stop using my biology textbook as a masturbatory aid so I could actually get some studying done. FML

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namhtor - 28/09/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

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tigerthepredator 16

Tuesday 23 August 2016 22:57

Your brother makes a good point

latenerd 11

Tuesday 23 August 2016 23:02

Sorry you both got grounded OP, but that was hysterical! I don't blame you for laughing. Your dad is wrong to try to shame both of you for something normal.

LevelupKid 8

Saturday 27 August 2016 2:57

Your dad is ******* retarded. There is no way he possible made it all the way through puberty and possibly until he got married(since you said he was religious) with out jerking off. Seriously.

stessytaylor7 2

Saturday 27 August 2016 5:10

That's better than going out and getting a girl pregnant! Teenage hormones and urges have to be felt with somehow.

edward_cooper 10

Sunday 28 August 2016 15:07

your brother is damn savage

norgesprins 6

Sunday 4 September 2016 17:01

Hysterical ??

nickfraser98 11

Tuesday 6 September 2016 22:13

Hot

intreker05 5

Wednesday 7 September 2016 21:07

In his defense, I'd be an uptight jerk if I couldn't ********** either. On the upside, though, being grounded should mean plenty of time to engage in the very activity your brother got in trouble for.

sethr_di 15

Thursday 6 October 2016 15:20

golden response, couldn't have said it better myself

x_the_lancer_x 13

Monday 7 November 2016 1:22

This like completely boggles my mind. Like, if I as a father caught my son or daughter masturbating I would just say sorry and leave and never bring it up (or act awkward about it) or anything. It's normal and healthy. Just do it in private, I don't give a shit. Everyone does it, everyone has a desire to do it, no shame in it.