Intimacy Use the force

Use the force

Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:53 - Mexico

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

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Get it where you can

Anonymous - 12/07/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML

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He knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

padmelover - 27/08/2022 22:00

Today, my dad said I need to stop playing with toys and threw my lightsaber out of the window. It was a replica of the Lightsaber used by Mark Hamill, made from the same type handle from a 1970s camera, just like the film prop. It was over 40 years-old and worth thousands. Not anymore, as it's now scratched and in two pieces. FML

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Anonymous - 09/03/2011 01:15 - United States

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

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One size fits all

Anonymous - 18/06/2022 22:00

Today, I bought an electric sex toy to make masturbating more interesting. My penis wasn’t long enough to reach the moving massaging parts on the inside, and just pathetically rested a few inches inside the opening. I could call it a bad design but I’d be lying, I just have a small dick. FML

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TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

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War drums

Taylor - 30/07/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend started singing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

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I think we're alone now

lopez - 16/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I needed to go to the toilet. Thinking that everyone had left work, I decided that, since I AM a Jedi, my penis ought to be my lightsaber. All of a sudden, I heard a familiar voice, saying, "At least someone's having fun…" It was my boss. FML

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rastafarimon - 17/04/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to an ewok from Star Wars. She says it's short, stubby, and fuzzy. Now she sings the Star Wars theme when we hang out. FML

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a - 21/05/2009 19:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

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Average Lover - 27/10/2018 03:00

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

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LukeFree 0

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

The force is strong with this one.....

IndiRae 9

Thursday 11 August 2011 15:50

You deserve it for calling it a Star Wars sword.

newburton13 26

Sunday 6 May 2012 13:37

YDI because 1: It's called a light saber. Not a "toy sword". 2: Just go to an adult store. There is no shame.

wowthatissad 9

Wednesday 30 May 2012 14:00

Which is why you buy offline...

im_emile 4

Saturday 2 June 2012 5:01

Star wars...sword? Really. You mean light saber?

haileeMichele 4

Tuesday 3 July 2012 9:59

Not FYL... That's awesome. It's freakin Star Wars

breanuh21 5

Saturday 11 August 2012 16:26

You know you can just buy online... It's ok everyone pleasure themselves

morganlantrip 5

Sunday 16 September 2012 22:59

That's just disgusting

ch3s 4

Saturday 24 November 2012 22:43

Luke. Who is your daddy?

TexasBitch 13

Sunday 23 December 2012 8:01

Buy one online.

xxEternalRain 13

Friday 25 January 2013 2:14

Thats even worse

G_Lagaffe 4

Sunday 21 April 2013 4:40

Its a LIGHTSABER!!!

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, four days before Christmas, I discovered a rash on my daughter's shoulder. The doctor took one look and said, "It's chicken pox. Merry Christmas." FML

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Today, I faked being sick so I could weasel out of a chemistry test at school. Happy that I pulled it off, I posted my accomplishment on Facebook. I forgot that I'm friends with my parents. FML

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Today, my very top boyfriend told me he was ready to try being the bottom. He moaned and complained about the pain the entire time, even though I got less than 2 inches in, and then got angry I was taking so long to cum. I thought I was the drama queen in our house. FML

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Today, while on a nature hike with friends. I tried to take a selfie at the edge of a cliff with the majestic view as a backdrop, but I slipped and dropped my phone. It's now RIP (resting in pieces) at the bottom of a ravine. FML

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Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML

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Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

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