Sex, Awkward Intimacy Turn of phrase

Turn of phrase

MiniJeans - 30/04/2015 02:25 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

caligirl921 - 11/12/2010 06:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

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Anonymous - 16/03/2012 20:23 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

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The heat of the moment

righthook - 08/04/2015 19:56 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

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Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

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Sensitive snowflake

onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

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Anonymous - 28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

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fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit - 12/10/2013 20:28 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

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Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

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Sick moves, dude

Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

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What is it?

Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

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sturschaedel 27

Thursday 30 April 2015 11:46

Well, I hope the little guy could still rise to your expectations.

abNormal62 23

Thursday 30 April 2015 11:51

His name is "Spike", in the future please use his proper name. Thank you

AncientElbow 13

Friday 1 May 2015 8:42

I'm still trying to figure out how you hit his penis with your leg if it was inside you...

barlos88 19

Friday 1 May 2015 17:02

Try saying you were being ironic, like calling someone fat slim :)

dustin007 15

Friday 1 May 2015 19:32

Ehh how did that go. Is need a follow up.

Emily282828 2

Friday 1 May 2015 20:37

? ?

thegovernment 7

Saturday 2 May 2015 10:23

I certainly would have blown you up.

xmalachix 15

Wednesday 6 May 2015 17:56

CAN'T VOTE. HIS LIFE SUCKS.

colt31 5

Thursday 7 May 2015 9:14

I wouldn't worry about it, OP. He probably thought *little* of it.

imyourpoison 10

Thursday 7 May 2015 14:37

omfg that's too funny haha holy crap man...

chancegrinstead 3

Sunday 10 May 2015 20:53

did you finish

worldclassrager 39

Monday 28 September 2015 22:45

First time...you don't know what he is made of just yet

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, our chocolate Labrador ran away. My dad adopted it because he really wanted a hunting dog, promising he'd be in charge of its training and feeding. I ended up getting saddled with that instead. The dog was so hyper it was untrainable, and dad blamed me when it burst out of its kennel and bolted into the night. FML

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Today, I was out horse riding. Some say that riding isn’t a sport, but I can swear that chasing after a horse that has just thrown you off is really tiring! FML

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Today, I went on a third date with a guy, hoping that maybe finally I would get some physical interaction. I did. I got a high five. FML

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Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML

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Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

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Today, my ex came back into my life, professing his love and begging for another chance. This begging act ended rather suddenly once he remembered I have a daughter. FML

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