Morning, Spiders, Surprise Scary Top o' the mornin' to ya

Top o' the mornin' to ya

Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

jaqlove - 02/07/2016 20:28 - United States - Clementon

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

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somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

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Shrieking_Shack_Maiden - 07/09/2018 23:30

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

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gaggin - 26/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

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Anonymous - 28/02/2015 09:04 - Australia

Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML

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igotpride - 09/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

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Juicy breakfast

Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

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Steffi3 - 14/05/2016 16:29 - United States

Today, there was a spider in my car. FML

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thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

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The fear

Anonymous - 20/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I was going through my Facebook feed when I saw a post of a man being wheeled to the emergency room with a spider stuck in their ear. The post has me scared enough to want to sleep with earplugs. I'm a 37 year-old man. FML

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RichardPencil 30

Saturday 30 July 2022 0:49

Ask the girl who is afraid of mice to get it out. She's ok with spiders. I hope you two live close to each other.

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Saturday 30 July 2022 5:08

And you probably won't sleep tonight either wondering if it laid eggs there.

RichardPencil 30

Saturday 30 July 2022 0:49

Ask the girl who is afraid of mice to get it out. She's ok with spiders. I hope you two live close to each other.

Earl_KarmasBitch 34

Saturday 30 July 2022 5:08

And you probably won't sleep tonight either wondering if it laid eggs there.

CoyoteOldOne 17

Sunday 31 July 2022 4:19

If it did, I'm raising them to be more responsible than their mom.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my sister had me kicked out of her wedding reception for, in the words of her new husband, "harshing the buzz." FML

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Today, when I tried to go to work, there were gun nuts blocking the road near my apartment, protesting something or other. I called the cops to break it up, only to be told, "We can't do anything because they have rights." Don't I have the right to not be terrorized by lunatics? FML

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Today, I finally got my forklift license after training for a week. Almost eight hours later, I lost my license by not lowering my forks, crashing into and destroying four overhead light fixtures which cost more than $500 in damage. FML

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Today, I was helping my dad sell furniture online after a messy divorce. After organising everything to be picked up, it turned out the buyer was the guy Mum had the affair with. What are the chances? FML

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Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

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Today, I went to have a breast exam. The doc told me that she would touch different parts of my breasts, and said to tell her if at any point it felt painful. As she was examining me, I was going to say that it wasn't painful, but instead I blurted out, "It feels good." FML

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