Intimacy: Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming...

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 764

You deserved it 7 831

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 381

You deserved it 11 915

Wanker!

By EmbarrassedBather - 09/06/2019 00:00

Today, while I was showering, someone left a note on the bathroom door that read, "We can all hear you masturbating. Shut the hell up." I don't know what's more embarrassing, that everyone in my house thought I was masturbating or that I was actually singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 391

By XavierLing - 23/07/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 793

By Playaaa - 14/11/2015 22:08 - United States - Hollister

Today, I realized when I'm on my phone, I tend to play with my penis, even in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 418

You deserved it 28 752

Way too public

By stewiesclone - 11/02/2010 09:09 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump in a public restroom. Minding my own business, I heard somebody go into an adjacent stall. It was dead silent and I don't think he knew I was in there. I thought I heard him scratching his arm or something. I was wrong. He was jacking off. I had to listen to it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 023

You deserved it 3 079

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 061

You deserved it 2 979

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 524

You deserved it 776

By anonymouse - 09/03/2011 19:37 - Reserved

Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 916

You deserved it 42 639

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 19:18 - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 751

You deserved it 37 995

By OhGodWhy - 29/12/2016 23:30 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 808

You deserved it 887

Lifes_a_bust 0

Monday 21 May 2012 12:06

What beat do you use?

Betz 10

Monday 21 May 2012 12:07

Did you grunt too?

Comments

alitbaby 14

Wednesday 23 May 2012 8:19

doesn't everyone love a good quicky in the john?

mfayem 15

Wednesday 23 May 2012 8:47

Why would you think that?

alcoman 4

Friday 1 June 2012 5:05

Yolo

zanderman529 7

Saturday 17 November 2012 8:17

You set that one up yourself

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Today, my boyfriend tried to confront me about my “drinking problem”. He claims that the last time he was at my place, I had a full bottle of rum and now it’s gone. He hasn’t spent the night at my house in over two months and it was a half bottle of Malibu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 128

Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from college. My grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and told me how proud she was that I was able to make it so far in spite of being autistic. I am not, nor have I ever been autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 187

You deserved it 3 471

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 977

You deserved it 4 327

Today I intended to get up at 6 am so I set the alarm for 5 am. What ended up happening was that I got up at 9 am, and the 5 am alarm will ring in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 681

You deserved it 1 216

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old daughter, who always acts so sweet, is antagonizing a 24 year-old woman via social media regarding her boyfriend, whom my daughter is *likely* having sex with. I thought she was the purest sweetest thing and she always has a believable excuse for times unaccounted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 620

Today, I was going shopping with a friend. I got up to get off the train and landed on my ass. Not only had I walked into the metal bar, I'd broken my $800 glasses, and the train doors had closed, with my friend on the other side of the doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 152

You deserved it 10 877

Same thing different taste

Wanker!

Way too public

Lock your doors

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