Intimacy: Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend,...

By Anonymous - 05/08/2012 05:33 - United States - Mahwah

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 489

You deserved it 6 637

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Same thing different taste

Clean break

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 20:01

Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 290

By kaylashay2k13 - 17/05/2016 14:18 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 050

You deserved it 1 108

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 475

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 022

You deserved it 27 462

By Redhead - 22/08/2018 06:00

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 586

You deserved it 962

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 635

You deserved it 7 758

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 988

You deserved it 9 102

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 794

You deserved it 1 186

Really into it

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 256

By beerpong26 - 06/02/2009 19:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 612

You deserved it 6 890

DKjazz 20

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:54

Hold on, let me go Google "Italian Chandelier".

lex1459 38

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:52

I hope you get better soon!

Comments

mangoldsam 3

Friday 10 August 2012 5:00

I work as a physician, and it is physically impossible to "break" your penis. However, if you have a 'boner'.... you can cut off circulation in some positions and it will turn blue/black, but that's as far as it goes

laurapiggy 3

Friday 10 August 2012 6:21

Hey... That happened on New Girl!!

blue2012 7

Sunday 12 August 2012 2:45

Wooow! How could that have happened? & I hope that comment she made u went to the hospital.

blue2012 7

Sunday 12 August 2012 2:53

Looked it up & she broke it cause she worked you like a bull lol... if I was I would be a lil bit proud. :)

Cinephile_fml 0

Wednesday 15 August 2012 18:30

I read broken penis and all I could think about was the movie The New Guy.

MyNameIsTatum 0

Sunday 19 August 2012 18:42

How can you break your dick❔

hawver7765 0

Friday 31 August 2012 23:19

i hope your ok. did it heal?

divergent4life 5

Saturday 13 October 2012 18:33

cant break your penis..... its a blood vessel not an actual 'bone' so it wouldnt turn black and blue.

Shade1982 20

Friday 3 May 2013 13:13

...did you skip biology or something? What happens when a blood vessel breaks (it doesn't necessarily have to be a bone to be able to break)? Correct, the blood escapes. And what color would that look like? Exactly, black and blue, like any other bruise.