Intimacy: Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 543

You deserved it 5 810

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Same thing different taste

Good boy, best boy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2020 14:01

Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 418

By Darling_Cherry - 02/01/2010 21:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the only male that has ever been in bed with me has been my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 174

You deserved it 6 941

Little bundle of fluff

By Anonymous - 23/09/2025 22:00

Today, I have concluded that my new girlfriend is a cat. She ignores me 99% of the day, nuzzles me when she does want attention, gets the zoomies randomly twice a day, her snoring legit sounds like she’s purring, and when she gets real mad, she scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 112

Hey human, I'm right here

By Not now - 12/09/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 345

Unloveable

By sal - 27/09/2020 05:02 - Canada

Today, I adopted a cat, thinking it would make my life a little less lonely. Within an hour, the cat ran away. Not even animals want to be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 301

My one true friend

By When all else fails, talk to the kitty - 21/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I realized my cat responds to and interacts with me when I talk to her more than my own parents do when I talk to them. Actually, that statement applies to pretty much everyone I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 104

By izu - 16/09/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 223

You deserved it 2 758

By Jack - 10/01/2016 02:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 673

You deserved it 2 515

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 505

You deserved it 4 522

By CatLover<3 - 18/06/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 535

You deserved it 21 939

Next

Top comments

Calen5556 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

I'm not sure if "intimate" is the best word choice to describe your relationship with your cat

klimp 0

Monday 30 January 2012 1:30

That is incredibly disturbing. Do you lick that pussy?

Comments

ThecomingofTan 9

Monday 30 January 2012 2:52

Yeah your cat, huh? I think you left out the part about your blow up dolls. Are you just going to omit them now, you heartless bastard? Don't act like it doesn't count.

Devin91 20

Monday 30 January 2012 2:55

Time to get some pussy!

Burrito_Time 5

Monday 30 January 2012 3:02

Buy another cat for a three some!!! Yea buddy

husky22 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:06

Get a dog?

lexif96 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:06

Sick.

teenagedream13 1

Monday 30 January 2012 3:28

Well, a cat is a pussy.

sativaman420 5

Monday 30 January 2012 3:31

dont worry, theres lots of more pussy out there

Cody24485 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:32

Maybe your gay?

Jesus_Christ69 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:38

These snozberries taste like snozberries.

ashleeh0718 0

Monday 30 January 2012 3:43

you should probably keep that little fact to yourself next time, dude.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my dad went to a hardware store to replace the broken shower head in my bathroom. He got the cheapest shower head he could find, and so when I took a shower, the shower head burst out and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 443

You deserved it 2 138

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 577

You deserved it 8 981

Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 951

You deserved it 17 059

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 755

You deserved it 12 583

Today, my boyfriend bought a onesie. He sleeps in it, goes out in it and won't take it off, not even for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 670

You deserved it 5 930

Today, I made a point of talking to our parachute riggers, and thanking them for all they do. Today is also the first day I had to pull my reserve chute because my main chute didn't open correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 168

You deserved it 1 048