Intimacy Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation"...

Anonymous - 13/03/2012 12:51 - Netherlands

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

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Women's Day: Equality and Laughter
Stories that celebrate women in a light-hearted and humorous way, because equality can also be a source of joy! …

mareecasellafml - 27/03/2015 09:51 - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

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fuck you, tasha - 24/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

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waitingformyfoodstamps - 24/01/2009 10:50 - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

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Same thing

fuckel4 - - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

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sam - 26/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

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Anonymous - 22/09/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

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Just a prank, bro

Anonymous - 14/05/2021 22:03

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

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Almostfunny - 16/03/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

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KayIsKiwi99 - 29/08/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

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Anonymous - 20/10/2013 06:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

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PiErC3 0

Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:32

u should kick ur best friends ass

KMtheDrummer 6

Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:34

How do you not notice that in 2 months?

mikeofthunder 13

Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:52

Well, at least you noticed after two months, rather than three ey?

geod69 8

Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:54

Proff read

johnp 5

Tuesday 13 March 2012 17:41

*proof read Obviously something you haven't learned how to do yet

Awsumuzzie 12

Tuesday 13 March 2012 18:07

69 u r a stoopid.

Equin0x 0

Tuesday 13 March 2012 16:56

LMAO Winning!

TheGame317 5

Tuesday 13 March 2012 17:07

atleast yourf handy OP

NokeyPlc 1

Tuesday 13 March 2012 17:14

To get the best out of CVs/resumes when applying for jobs, it's best to modify it with each application. If you were doing this every time, you'd've probably increased your chances of success and probably spotted the friends joke at the same time.

Kotargnskit 4

Tuesday 13 March 2012 17:20

If you've got it, flaunt it.

KiddNYC1O 20

Tuesday 13 March 2012 17:38

How do you say masturbation in Dutch?

Epikouros 31

Tuesday 13 March 2012 17:59

It's 'castreren' in Dutch, emphasis on the second syllable. "Do you want to ********** me?" = "Wil je mij castreren?" Enjoy visiting Amsterdam's red-light district!

Grimnirwher9 21

Tuesday 13 March 2012 18:21

No, not really. "Masturbation" in Dutch would be "masturbatie" and "to **********" would be 'masturberen." "castreren" means "to castrate." Nice try though.