Intimacy Think before you speak - FML

Think before you speak

Takuma - 20/05/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 10/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

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She definitely heard

Anonymous - 09/09/2021 02:00

Today, I had to go to the mall for a quick errand. While there one of my friends who works at a phone booth was there and I stayed for a little bit chatting with him. While chatting, a girl passed by. She was so pretty that I blurted out, "What a woman!" out loud. Turns out it was my ex. FML

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anonymous - 21/11/2009 08:00 - United States

Today, I was sitting with a friend who moved back into town, and he told me about how he hooked up with a girl at a bar last night. I asked him if she was hot, he responded "Yeah, I have a picture of her on my phone." It was a picture of my girlfriend. FML

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On the fritz

Slow brain day - 09/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I handed my friend his phone, telling him he'd forgotten it. He responded by taking his phone out of his pocket and showing it to me. I then realized I was holding MY phone. FML

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Classy

LAME - 23/02/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, who I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her phone, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

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accidentalslut - 07/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

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Anonymous - 16/09/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

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Friends?

idekwtfigo - 01/05/2022 06:00

Today, I found out that the girl my boyfriend says is "just a good old friend" is actually an "ex that got away." FML

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bg4545 - 24/03/2016 03:39 - United States - Whittier

Today, for some reason that is unknown to me, I accidentally referred to my girlfriend as "my ex-girlfriend." To her face. Needless to say, my statement became true afterwards. FML

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dlova - 27/01/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

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brontide 0

Wednesday 20 May 2009 12:05

It's your ex who should be posting here, not you.

Aelaena 6

Wednesday 20 May 2009 12:06

Woo I detect some jealousy here.

sLap_fml 0

Friday 22 May 2009 0:25

LOL that's hilarious. at least you have something she doesn't ;)

missbricat 2

Friday 22 May 2009 0:47

that is ******* hilarious!!

Jeanni_Nicole 0

Friday 22 May 2009 3:12

HAHA good one. but it sounds like you aren't over her quite yet..

amykillswitch 0

Friday 22 May 2009 3:35

bahahahah thats hilarious. like most other people have said though, it sounds like your not over her.

MicKeii_fml 0

Friday 22 May 2009 4:33

YOU'RE MEANN!! DX

bigcrazymike 6

Friday 22 May 2009 5:39

LMAO thats what she gets!

ShortyBBangin 0

Friday 22 May 2009 6:24

hahahaha....oh boyfriend got burned. ha...but i'd be so pissed if one of my exes said that to my boyfriend.

Subtext 10

Friday 22 May 2009 7:50

Awesome! :D

GioChaos 0

Friday 22 May 2009 8:28

that's not a f*** my life, thats like F*** her life, owned and ftw! all at the same time, lool

1FML1 3

Friday 22 May 2009 11:47

wow lame dude so your fault your dum :P sounded jealous ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? SHe was probably thinking but he is better =O

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

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Today, my boyfriend thinks he’s having a sexuality crisis because I convinced him to let me stick a finger up his rear-end and he orgasmed so hard that now he’s worried he might be gay without knowing it. I love him, but God he’s hard work sometimes. FML

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Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because, "He's Canadian" and according to her, "They don't lie." FML

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Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML

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Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML

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Today, my dad vehemently refused to let me go on vacation to France with my best friend, because he watched Taken a few months ago and apparently forgot that it's just a movie. FML

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