Awkward, Cooking Intimacy The medium is the message - FML

The medium is the message

adam - 15/02/2010 02:16 - United States

Today, I made heart-shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

CryoSpectre - 11/05/2015 04:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

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FMAhole - 12/02/2019 12:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

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yummy(: - 31/10/2010 02:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML

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IwishIwashigh - 01/03/2017 14:00

Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML

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lisahb - 19/06/2012 22:16 - United States - Detroit

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

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Cake day

wakinginvegas87 - 05/09/2010 15:49 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML

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Fake it til you bake it

Nathalie01 - 23/01/2025 20:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by baking him some cookies for the first time. He took a bite and said, "Wow, these taste exactly like the ones my mom used to make!" I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd used a store-bought mix, because I can’t bake to save my life. FML

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RawrSparkle - 21/09/2012 07:31 - United States - Davis

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

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Rocks

Anonymous - 05/02/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I baked my boyfriend his favorite cookies for his birthday. Well, I tried. I followed the recipe, but they somehow turned out diamond hard. When he tried to bite into one, he chipped a tooth. Instead of being mad, he laughed and said, “At least you tried.” Now I’m stuck with inedible cookies and a dentist's bill. FML

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Anonymous - 09/05/2011 04:37 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML

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Laurendorcus 0

Monday 15 February 2010 9:40

Okay, so you are not a professional cookie shaper, but its the thought that counts and thats really sweet of you. maybe it'll help remind your gf that although hearts are great, you're hoping she'll concentrate on your d*ck tonight. :-)

null_fml 11

Monday 15 February 2010 9:42

Tell your girlfriend "I made them shaped like something you'd recognize," with a noticeable wink, and see which shape she thinks it is!

psyco5000 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 1:02

lol ur mom is awesome

_microwaveable_ 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 1:47

xD That is something my mother would probably say..

jayemdoubleyou 1

Tuesday 16 February 2010 2:35

Your mom made an inconsequential, yet funny, comment. How is this an FML?

hater4life 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 2:47

ohhhhhhh Sam got you there!

facingforeverr 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 3:05

thats okay....i actually did get dick shaped cookies last year for valentines day...my ex bf went to spencera nd got a cookie cutter just for the occasion

Notastalker 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 3:48

guys always go back to dicks even when trying to be sincere haha dicks in your mouth, balls on your chin.

lepercaunsal 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 3:49

phahahahahahahahahahaha I.... I..... can't breathe hahahahahahahahahahahaha

deathartisan 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 4:18

#2. is a failure. and op. just get her flowers and take her to dinner, if u have to bake cookies. ask for help so u don't have dick cookies.

dojofalz 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 4:56

Tell here to eat your cookie

michaelscott69 0

Tuesday 16 February 2010 5:06

you fail at baking... but then again, youre a guy, so you win

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my dad continues to make jokes about the rude things he does to avoid dealing with people who try to point out that he's seriously a massive douchebag, and is overall just unpleasant to be around. I have no idea why my mom married this man and had three children with him, let alone why they're still together. FML

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Today, I tried the 'drop the towel' challenge in front of my wife so I could record her reaction for TikTok, and maybe get some weekend booty. She barely even reacted, gave me the 'go away I’m busy' arm wave, and when I didn’t leave fast enough, she actually whipped my knob with her charging cable. FML

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Today, I traveled to my hometown for a funeral. I'm staying with my family in the house I grew up in. My dad told me they'd "completely renovated" the house. There's still only one bathroom for the seven of us and I'm sleeping on the floor for the entire two weeks. FML

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Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

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Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

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