Intimacy Superfreak - FML

Superfreak

callie - 18/06/2011 06:08 - United States

Today, I got some really bad mosquito bites on the outside of my thighs. They itched, and my jeans prevented me from scratching them, so I unbuttoned my pants, stuck my down my leg and started scratching. My mom walked in, and won't believe I wasn't masturbating. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

But… no! I wasn't!

Anonymous - 01/11/2010 13:00 - United States

Today, I was laying in bed with the covers over me, when I got an itch on my leg. It felt really good to scratch it so I got really into it. At that very moment my mom walked in, saw me doing a back and forth motion under the covers, gave me a look of disgust, and walked out. FML

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Rissa Warrington - 09/03/2012 08:30 - Canada

Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML

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Get where you can!

Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

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kaylajere - 26/05/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

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Sexy Rash - 21/02/2014 23:26 - Australia - Wallgrove

Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML

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Bitten

Anonymous - 02/09/2019 00:01 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML

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julian1 - 19/08/2015 11:34 - United States - Orlando

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

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awkardtaco - 28/09/2018 13:30

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

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Quick thinking

me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

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Read the room

IsThisRealLife - 01/02/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

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BShady96 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 12:12

well it does count as selfpleasuring...

missfml1105 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 12:22

ok but if it was your outer thigh she should have realized that your handwasnt in your crotch...

Julery6 4

Sunday 26 June 2011 7:57

Umm I just heard the same FML two days ago. ._.

Martini94 0

Sunday 26 June 2011 9:13

That makes sense.. Because your ****** is on the back of your knee... Right?

BornToCheer 0

Sunday 26 June 2011 12:42

Were you masturbating? YES

KataraTheBender 0

Monday 4 July 2011 23:40

YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO ITCH THEM. USE NEOSPORIN.

mallypoo 0

Wednesday 13 July 2011 11:40

tell your mom to **** off and knock before she enters your room...what a bitch

XxchristinasmhxX 0

Friday 27 April 2012 2:22

Would she rather scratch them for you?

myalleyway 9

Monday 18 June 2012 5:43

scratching the outside of the thigh doesn't look like masturbation; just the inside.

princess4916 5

Sunday 5 August 2012 23:13

O.m.g. The EXACT same thing happened to me yesterday. My mom still doesn't believe me and won't even look me in the eye. I hate mosquitoes DX

Ayla_Abriel 1

Thursday 9 August 2012 19:33

I have to do that when I have jeans on too. It sucks :|

ToxicMoo33 18

Thursday 15 January 2015 18:06

Show her the bites? Lol

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I bought an expensive air purifier to combat potential wildfire smoke. The next day, a freak flood knocked out my power. I sat in the dark, breathing in ash. FML

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Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML

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Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

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Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

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Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

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Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML

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