Intimacy Sucker

Sucker

BadIdea - 01/03/2012 21:23 - France

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

davetherave1983 - 09/09/2015 05:09 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

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Bad ********

testacular - 25/03/2014 21:20 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

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Executive confusing

DoseyGit -

Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML

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Anonymous - 24/02/2013 19:58 - United States - Everett

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

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I'm a goober

Louis - 07/01/2026 15:00

Today, I decided to clean my entire apartment. While vacuuming, I sucked up something big. I didn’t realize what it was until later when I couldn’t find my engagement ring. I digged through a vacuum bag full of dust, crumbs, and mystery hair, only to realize it was on my finger the whole time. FML

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Proper job

So so close to clean - 08/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

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pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

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Drunken rampage

Anonymous - 01/08/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

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Anonymous - 11/12/2009 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

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No need for a reason

Anonymous - 27/06/2021 04:01

Today, as I was bent over drying my legs after a shower, my girlfriend snuck behind me and pulled a hair off my ballsack for absolutely no good reason. FML

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jsprackman 11

Friday 2 March 2012 0:14

Genius

BunnySlippers 6

Friday 2 March 2012 0:14

Lol. Why would you put a vaccum even CLOSE to your balls?

g324 5

Friday 2 March 2012 2:37

I burst into uncontrollable laughter everytime I read this.

turbobutt11 0

Friday 2 March 2012 2:49

Did you clean up blood to?

handsfree 2

Friday 2 March 2012 2:50

Very nice. I give you a 10 for being so smart

rubberduckie94 13

Friday 2 March 2012 13:16

Ten out of a million?

veritoswty6 14

Friday 2 March 2012 2:51

Way to go..! YDI fyi

ImSoEffedUp 10

Friday 2 March 2012 2:54

I just shaved mine today too.... But no way am I putting a vacuum near my sack.... My girlfriend loves the hairless look....

sammyscrazza 6

Friday 2 March 2012 3:21

The carpet? Why not the shower!?

skygirl_01 5

Friday 2 March 2012 3:33

kiddnyc10, yes I did. dirty = showering would have gotten rid of the smaller left over shreds of hair better than the vacuum.

Cyrren 22

Friday 2 March 2012 3:39

Next time, use the feather duster.

swimlove 0

Friday 2 March 2012 3:42

What did u think would happen u bum

perdix 29

Friday 2 March 2012 3:45

You almost created the year's best invention. Try a vacuum with a lower flow rate and a low-frequency pulsation and you just might end up with something sublime.