Sounds like a catch

Anonymous - 10/08/2020 08:06

Today, my psycho ex tried to call the cops on me for "poisoning her food." I live two hours away from her, and have no money or gas to go anywhere near her. Turns out, she poisoned herself for eating raw chicken and pizza dough. I have a child with this idiot. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Here comes trouble…

Anonymous - 20/12/2025 12:00

Today, while high, I accidentally sent a pizza to my ex-girlfriend's house instead of my apartment. She has a restraining order out on me. This is bad. FML

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Manipulation

Stephen - 11/08/2024 23:00 - United States - Fort Rucker

Today, I realized that I got set up by my narcissistic ex-fiancée. She'd planned to get pregnant by me, did, then halfway way through the pregnancy put a restraining order on me, and went MIA. Now I don't know anything about my child. FML

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Anonymous - 27/04/2013 18:32 - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

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Healthy parenting skills

Ghost1986 - 10/12/2022 22:00 - Australia - Moonah

Today, my ex-wife tried to hit me up for money for a skip bin, because the kids' room was too messy. She then sent me a picture of the mess after I said no, then I retaliated by submitting a report to child services against her. FML

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Freakout part 47674

just die already - 24/04/2016 09:55 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML

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Rude awakening

Anonymous - - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

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u wot? - 14/02/2015 12:14 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML

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Am I really the asshole here?

What did she expect? - 07/04/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML

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Give me a break

anon - 18/02/2023 06:00

Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML

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Anonymous - 16/05/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

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Mathalamus 24

Monday 10 August 2020 10:26

Hopefully the child is with you.

TCRII 29

Monday 10 August 2020 13:46

Mine said I had poisoned the well water. We did not have a well.

Mathalamus 24

Monday 10 August 2020 10:26

Hopefully the child is with you.

TCRII 29

Monday 10 August 2020 13:46

Mine said I had poisoned the well water. We did not have a well.

John Nemeth 14

Monday 10 August 2020 17:42

Did she actually call the cops on you? I’m wondering if she would get in trouble for making such a blatant claim against you. I wouldn’t even doubt it if she’s done this kind of crap before or would do it again.

genuinegoodguy 9

Monday 10 August 2020 23:40

Why do you have a child with her?

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Wednesday 12 August 2020 3:18

The child is your fault too. Should have used protection. But still, that is one psycho ex you've got. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with her. I hope you're the one that has custody of the kid.