Health Sex Set up, punchline

Set up, punchline

Anonymous - 28/11/2021 10:59

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

blondetergent - 20/06/2011 08:12 - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

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secret meat - 21/06/2014 02:04 - United States - Framingham

Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML

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Ingredients check

Anonymous - 22/06/2021 18:00

Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML

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Call the cops!

epipen life - 10/03/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

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Dammit - 07/07/2012 04:45 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

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Anonymous - 09/06/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I had a food allergy test done because of an ugly acne upswing, and after over a year of vegetarianism, I find out that I'm allergic to soy. FML

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Meat

ohmyx3 - 30/04/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

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I know her so well

Anonymous - 20/01/2025 00:00 - United States - Detroit

Today, I spent a good deal of my afternoon preparing a nice dinner for my girlfriend. When I finally served the meal, I proudly presented her with a beautifully arranged plate of salmon. She looked at it and said, “You know I’m allergic to fish, right?” We had cereal for dinner instead. FML

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welted - 01/01/2010 05:21 - Canada

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

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Is this dude a puma?

Anonymous - 04/04/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? Because I became a vegetarian. Apparently, he doesn't believe in "not eating meat." FML

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RichardPencil 30

Sunday 28 November 2021 16:25

You need to "meet" someone else.

Gina Marie Lombardi 14

Sunday 28 November 2021 18:59

I have a meat allergy too, I can empathize

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 28 November 2021 16:25

You need to "meet" someone else.

Plop 17

Sunday 28 November 2021 18:53

Pretty sure she also needs to "meat" someone else.

Gina Marie Lombardi 14

Sunday 28 November 2021 18:59

I have a meat allergy too, I can empathize

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Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

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Today, at work, I was waiting in line to pay my food at the cafeteria when I noticed the doctor who was in front of me had these really cool looking shoes on. I told him, "I like your shoes!" He turned over, looked at me and didn’t say anything back. FML

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Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

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Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

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Today, I was in a shoe store. I picked up a shoe so I could look at it, but when I put it back on the shelf, the whole shelf fell down, making all the shoes fall to the ground. The people behind the counter started clapping. FML

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