Health, Cats Wake up Rise and shine

Rise and shine

Anonymous - 29/04/2020 08:00

Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

scratchpost - 28/10/2010 12:07 - United States

Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML

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Surprise, human!

Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

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cdn_steed - 23/04/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

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crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

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Meow!

patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

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Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

MistofAvalon - 24/04/2020 14:00

Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML

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Obey, human

Anonymous - 28/02/2023 12:00

Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML

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Metal Cat

Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

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Territorial

GoddamnCat - 13/07/2023 01:00 - United States - Carson City

Today, I'm very tired because last night my cat decided to announce to the world that another cat had wandered into the backyard at the top of his lungs. At 2 AM. FML

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Anonymous - 28/12/2013 00:05 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

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sickerthanyou 13

Wednesday 29 April 2020 23:34

Sounds like your cat is a normal cat

Sady_Ct 37

Wednesday 29 April 2020 9:16

Mi.......AAAAAOOOOOOOWWWWWW!

Sady_Ct 37

Wednesday 29 April 2020 9:16

Mi.......AAAAAOOOOOOOWWWWWW!

TheSminty1 17

Wednesday 29 April 2020 10:45

Sounds like an average day in our household

James_Bond1962 2

Wednesday 29 April 2020 20:03

Oh no!!! Meowntains of ouch!

sickerthanyou 13

Wednesday 29 April 2020 23:34

Sounds like your cat is a normal cat

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I made a horrific discovery; the months-long gnat epidemic in my spotlessly clean home has been emanating from my coffee pot. They've been procreating inside it all this time. I use it every day. FML

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Today, my sister makes more money masturbating for anonymous perverts online than I do with an honest job, and she works less hours. She just bought a house for £160,000 without a mortgage; I rent a council house. She has a 20 Plate Land Rover; I have a Nissan micra FML

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Today, my class was called to the auditorium. We were told that some asshat proctor took a picture of our testing room during out test and posted it on Facebook. Someone noticed that according to the rules, we were sitting too close to each other, so now we have to retake the whole test. FML

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Today, I have to figure out how to explain to my 6 year-old daughter when she gets home from school that she won’t be having a birthday party anymore, because she caught daddy having it off with the babysitter, and now we have nowhere to live. FML

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Today, I got married. After the ceremony, my sister asked to talk to me. I followed her and she told me that we are no longer related because we don't have the same last name anymore. FML

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Today I woke up feeling good and ready for my online business class final, only to find that it had somehow been submitted and graded with a zero. FML

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