Health Painful Rip Torn - FML

Rip Torn

Beackers675 - 10/05/2022 02:00

Today, I tore my ass crack. No, not my asshole, my ass crack. I don't know why, I don't know how, I just know it hurts. FML

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Heavy load

Fattypatty - 09/07/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

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Erin - 10/05/2016 02:18 - United States - Springfield

Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML

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What even is that?

git recked lul - 01/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Allen Park

Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML

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Many such cases

clitorasaurus - - Canada

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

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Pain in the ass

Anonymous - 17/06/2021 22:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

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thefoolwhorippedhispants - 20/04/2018 01:30

Today, I came home from work to realize I had a massive rip in my shorts from my crotch to my crack. I have to lean over constantly in front of dozens of people at my job. Not one person said anything, but now I know why they were chuckling. FML

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broken finger - 18/07/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

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It's the thought that counts

Cracky - 27/11/2012 14:32 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

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Ouch!

Anonymous - 14/06/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I have such poor joints that I dislocated my hip trying to twist to wipe my own ass. FML

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Anonymous - 24/02/2012 08:40 - United States

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

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RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 10 May 2022 5:08

Two words...boxer shorts.... Two more words...granny panties... What we've learned recently is that there are two kinds of undergarments that are ass-crack-friendly, but one causes carnal arousal and the other kills it.

Marcella1016 31

Tuesday 10 May 2022 3:49

Lotion is your friend.

AzraelAngelus 15

Tuesday 10 May 2022 2:55

I just learned something new thank you and WTF were you doing that resulted in you tearing your cleftal horizon

mccuish 25

Tuesday 10 May 2022 3:29

I have so many questions right now

Marcella1016 31

Tuesday 10 May 2022 3:49

Lotion is your friend.

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 10 May 2022 5:08

Two words...boxer shorts.... Two more words...granny panties... What we've learned recently is that there are two kinds of undergarments that are ass-crack-friendly, but one causes carnal arousal and the other kills it.

Beackers675 13

Wednesday 11 May 2022 19:25

Hey guys, OP here. Just wanted to follow-up, turns out, if you sit down just right, the tag in your underwear can cut your ass-crack like a paper cut. 10/10 don't recommend.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

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Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

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Today, we recently found out I'm infertile, and I thought we were both devastated, until my partner posted a drunk video to Facebook, basically celebrating that we will never have, "crying, nappy-shitting, soul-sucking, bank account-draining little sods." FML

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Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

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Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year-old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML

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Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML

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