Insulting Love Rare and inventive insult

Rare and inventive insult

fuck you - - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

36 676

3 851

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

55 736

4 954

Nice dude

ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML

27 020

2 463

He's a keeper

mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

48 704

10 352

(._. ) - 06/08/2013 20:35 - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

61 792

5 130

nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

53 297

11 884

bertiebeth - 02/08/2014 05:35 - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

47 811

4 035

MysticSoup - 21/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

1 072

3 958

Honesty is the best policy

Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

1 434

1 281

-insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

23 533

15 035

Never again

Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

24 982

2 642

nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.

spamhands1 18

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

That is not nice, your better off without him

False_Stupidity 41

Monday 27 April 2015 6:20

Your best response to that would be "so, would you like them with ketchup or bbq sauce?"

TuneSyon 7

Monday 27 April 2015 6:43

He is a total prick and I bet you can do better anyways.

katertott 44

Monday 27 April 2015 6:47

Ouch. I would have said, "that can be arranged". That way, you'll still get your date, and he'll get his... snack.

kavyashahs 16

Monday 27 April 2015 7:01

You got many better choices in your life.

DizzyDreamer90 15

Monday 27 April 2015 7:04

Whaaaat a dick!

BrassWing13 11

Monday 27 April 2015 7:08

Any guy who would respond so terribly to a girl with the guts to ask HIM out doesn't deserve to call himself a man.

Girlshotdown1 21

Monday 27 April 2015 7:23

I would of said something rude back.

hlmorg3 9

Monday 27 April 2015 7:34

Somebody did not wake up on the right side of the bed and thinks that his balls are more yummy than you.

shemademedoit 20

Monday 27 April 2015 7:53

date me :0

miriamfrank 22

Monday 27 April 2015 8:10

Well that's rather vivid.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was the 19th wheel at a party. Yes, I counted. FML

37 912

4 822

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river that flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

49 239

8 286

Today, I found out just how much of a psychotically insecure nitwit my boyfriend is. He flew into a screaming rage that I was only adding cucumbers to my water and my meals lately to insinuate that he has a small penis. Yeah, I’m confused too. FML

2 683

262

Today, my girlfriend flipped out and dumped me. According to her, not stopping for a dog in the road makes me a sociopath and unsuitable for a relationship. Yes, because slamming on my brakes or swerving into the next lane while doing 75 on the highway and causing a wreck made so much more sense. FML

1 149

821

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

13 063

1 129

Today, the $300 ring my boyfriend gave me for my birthday slipped off my finger... into the toilet. I had to sift through my own poo to get it back. FML

66 224

19 746