Sex Intimacy Oh yessss

Oh yessss

Anonymous - 29/07/2011 07:24 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Sexy!

troubleintoyland - 24/12/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

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Sensitive snowflake

onepussytwopussy - 07/03/2014 19:47 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

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Anonymous - 22/01/2012 18:06 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

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Anonymous - 06/01/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on. My boyfriend noticed that every time I'm about to climax, I hit my head on something. Whether it's a wall or his face. FML

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Heartless swine

Anonymous - 15/09/2015 05:56 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML

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Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

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fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

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Major romcom vibes

staciedee - - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be cute to try and pick me up while kissing, instead he tripped and slammed the back of my head on the corner of the wall. FML

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Sick moves, dude

Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

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Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

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coltsrock37 15

Friday 29 July 2011 16:10

that'll spike up his sex drive

dre_bro11 12

Friday 29 July 2011 16:09

ouch! three-way with the cactus?

X_Codes 11

Friday 29 July 2011 16:40

Man should know better than to put his head under a cactus on a shelf. Woman should know better than to whack her head on random objects during sex.

wolfsheart 14

Friday 29 July 2011 16:40

some people just have wowed fetishes.

Epsilonyx 15

Friday 29 July 2011 16:40

I bet you guys got dirty and used it as a *****.

mofo123 0

Friday 29 July 2011 16:43

I hate when that happens

BigStackPoker 0

Friday 29 July 2011 16:44

Hey, for you to be THAT into it would make it totally worth it.

beccap3291 0

Friday 29 July 2011 16:47

Is it safe to have a pointy cactus above your bed, where your head and neck will be?

jzureikat24 0

Friday 29 July 2011 16:49

69 people think you totally deserved it ;)

neongurl98 10

Friday 29 July 2011 16:59

Awwww, is his face ok?

DailyTrollSlayer 4

Thursday 10 May 2012 3:53

Is your face ok?

attatood 8

Friday 29 July 2011 17:11

so, how's the cactus? Did it survive the S

dearbarn 0

Friday 29 July 2011 17:14

not only did you just got better on top. now you just learned hot to make it more kinky

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had to show a new student around my school. Normally, that wouldn't be such a bad thing, but the student was my crazy, overly-attached ex. I transferred schools to get away from her in the first place. FML

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Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML

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Today, I was expelled from school. By my own mother. FML

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Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend with breakfast in bed. Instead, I spilled hot coffee all over her and the bed. We ended up spending the morning doing laundry instead of cuddling. FML

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Today, my partner is still pouting because I refused to adopt a “special needs” dog. Never mind that we don’t have the training, experience, equipment, nor financial means to care for an animal with such extensive medical needs, oh no, he just wanted it because it "looked sad.” FML

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Today, I was fired. Last week, I was written up because I came in one minute late from lunch break. The week before, I was yelled at for yawning. I found out it was all a plan for my boss’s favorite employee to get promoted to my position, so they wanted a reason to terminate me. I work in an “at will” state. FML

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