Not that sort, I swear

Anonymous - 22/10/2020 11:01 - Luxembourg - Mamer

Today, I threw out a bunch of Coca-Cola bottles that had been in my room for who knows how long. My mother noticed them in the recycling and promptly told our neighbours that I have a "coke habit." FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Tasty snack

Thatkid - 18/02/2009 14:29 - Singapore

Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML

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Heavy lifting

Anonymous - 04/12/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised I may have a drinking problem when the recycling bin was due to go out and I physically couldn’t move the bin. I thought my kids might have put a rock in there but no, it was weighed down by the sheer weight of two weeks worth of wine bottles. FML

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Anonymous - 13/02/2016 05:14 - Canada - North Battleford

Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML

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Sharing is caring

Anonymous - 11/02/2021 14:01

Today, I poured myself a glass of Coke from the bottle in the fridge. While drinking it, I saw tiny pieces floating in it. Apparently, my boyfriend had drunk straight from the bottle in the morning, felt sick and threw up. He then put the bottle back in the fridge. I just drank my boyfriend's vomit. FML

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Bottle bank

TiredStudent - 12/06/2020 23:07 - Australia

Today, I found out my last roommate had been stacking her empty wine bottles under the sink for the last 5 months. The cleaning lady who found them now thinks I'm an alcoholic, and threatened to report me to my landlord. FML

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Hoarders

juggalo2 - 19/07/2023 12:00

Today, my wife can barely contain her rage at me for throwing out her collection of unique glass bottles, which she was saving for gifting and decoration. I'd feel more guilt if she hadn't been storing them in a box underneath our sink mixed with recyclables. FML

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Anonymous - 14/08/2012 18:12 - United States - San Jacinto

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

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Grossed out

disguested - 04/03/2010 20:01 - United States

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

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Anonymous - 13/01/2012 00:59 - United States

Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML

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wearyconsumer - 23/12/2016 05:29

Today, I threw out all the food in the freezer that my mom had been keeping since 2013. When she found out, she said, "frozen food doesn't go bad." FML

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Robert Cruikshank 7

Thursday 22 October 2020 11:03

Hi five to your Mom.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 22 October 2020 18:20

Maybe they'll want to party with you now.

Robert Cruikshank 7

Thursday 22 October 2020 11:03

Hi five to your Mom.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 22 October 2020 18:20

Maybe they'll want to party with you now.

peterblackmer91 12

Friday 19 March 2021 22:56

That's funny. Do you not have a sense of humor???

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while working as a hostess in a restaurant, an old lady complained to the manager that I was on heroin because she could see all the track marks on my arms. I was actually fighting a staph infection and the "track marks" were where my IV had been placed. My manager told me to cover it up. FML

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Today, my doctor booked me in for an STI test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said, "Gonna be honest Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML

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Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

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Today, I realised that I'm addicted to a porn game… not because of the porn. The simple gameplay mechanic of combining objects on a board to make new objects makes my brain happy. I found myself feeling depressed at the thought that I'd have to wait 3 hours for my moves to recharge before I could play again. FML

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Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

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Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

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