Intimacy Not smart - FML

Not smart

Mateo - 14/12/2008 03:58 - France

Today, I surprised my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her 24th birthday. She got up from the couch as I entered, and I shouted, "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glanced over from the couch and greeted me. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Happy?

SURPRISE - 10/06/2009 00:13 - Canada

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

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What the…?

willywonks - 21/03/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

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happybidet - 31/10/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend woke me with a surprise up on my birthday. Unfortunately, it was her screaming at the top of her lungs and punching me in the face because of a nightmare. FML

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jane smith - 01/07/2010 12:11 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML

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A heads up next time maybe?

Bob - 07/04/2020 02:00

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

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Hiya!

mal - 08/05/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

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Surprise!

Anonymous - 22/06/2025 14:00 - United States - Altoona

Today, after my girlfriend had said she was cooking surprise dinner for me this week, the crazy thing is I came home early from work and the surprise dinner was she was eating some dude's cock and balls. FML

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Freak out

Brave - 06/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my girlfriend by showing up at her apartment early. I climbed through her bedroom window, holding flowers. I got the wrong window. Some old man screamed, hit me with a broom, and called the cops. FML

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Ohfman117 - 11/08/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML

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Prank war W

Anonymous - 20/08/2014 21:03 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

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Easy_Target 0

Monday 23 February 2009 23:29

Nice entrance, Romeo.

cndrow 0

Monday 9 February 2009 23:38

Complete win! Ahaha. That's was a totally awesome idea- just slightly wrong timing.

thatsucks4u 0

Monday 30 March 2009 7:21

really? stab??? that sounds... painful.

ScenicSubterfuge 39

Sunday 28 April 2013 17:39

Agreed. Bad imagery>.

Time2Remission 0

Thursday 16 April 2009 1:29

Did he kick your @ss?

welsknight 0

Tuesday 21 April 2009 4:21

bwahahahahahaha! Hmm... attention to your surroundings. Otherwise, brilliant.

InspiredByGaGa 8

Wednesday 22 April 2009 17:41

hilarious.

minibrophdawg 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 22:15

hahahahahahahahah

TrueLover 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 23:34

ahahaha!!! Way 2 go, dumbass. Great impression, I'm sure.

NeverBAckDown_fml 0

Monday 27 April 2009 20:10

one of the best fml posted in this websites

hhhhyoyoyo 1

Tuesday 5 May 2009 3:54

PWNNNNNNNNNEEEED

AntiChrist7 0

Tuesday 5 May 2009 19:53

can you only last that long? poor girlfriend

missbon 0

Tuesday 12 May 2009 6:36

its nice to know that romance isnt dead! hahaha love it.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I thought I'd wear my snow boots so I wouldn't slip on the ice at work. I crashed my car because I can't feel the pedals with my boots on. FML

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Today, I went to visit my overly-posh mother for the first time in many years. Upon arrival, she kicked me out because my outfit did not follow the same color-scheme as her decor. FML

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Today, the arts company I work for cancelled our 8 pm sold-out outdoor performance at 7:30 due to rain, and will have to reticket 550 patrons. I'm the only person in the office trained in ticketing. It stopped raining 10 minutes after we cancelled it. FML

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Today, I addressed my district manager as "Dude." FML

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Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

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Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML

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