Intimacy Noobs

Noobs

Blueberrypicc - 13/08/2010 01:01 - United States

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

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Anonymous - 10/03/2012 07:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

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Lost

Alicia - 21/01/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

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Noob

lameows - 04/04/2015 01:57 - United States

Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML

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Bad sex ed

Sex ed instructor, fuck me - 18/04/2022 06:00

Today, I was ready to have sex with my new boyfriend. Turns out he's a 30 year-old virgin who doesn't know shit. He couldn't find my vagina and was just humping my crotch, then when he finally got it in it was 5 pumps, a squirt and done. He thinks he did a good job. Now I have to teach him how to do it properly. FML

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Absolute beginners

dancerr2210 - 09/06/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, after making out with my boyfriend for the first time, it took me an hour to convince him he was still a virgin. FML

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ReallyBro - 21/03/2012 07:27 - United States - Keller

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

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Follow the script

ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

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Giggle loop

Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

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Mr Floppy

rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

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Confused - 22/08/2012 16:33 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

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jimmyrules 0

Friday 13 August 2010 9:06

Lol I'm pretty sure it's not that hard.

immja 0

Friday 13 August 2010 9:08

@2 that may have been the problem.. hah

stephiefromfranc 0

Friday 13 August 2010 9:29

you should take a Guy with experience. it Wil be better for you.

sallen0046 4

Friday 13 August 2010 9:29

What's so difficult about it? You put the penis in the ******. It's not rocket science, teenagers all over the world get knocked up every day.

jokker_fml 0

Friday 13 August 2010 9:30

yeah... you def look like a *****. good call.

Rwstudent1 0

Friday 13 August 2010 9:31

Try try and try again op. Oh and #1 i hope u get a boyfriend with a 2 inch dick that after having sex with you finds out that he is gay or that he absolutely sucks in the sack.

hellokittywhore 0

Friday 13 August 2010 9:31

simple as 8==D~~ <0> and ta-da!!!

stud2012 0

Friday 13 August 2010 9:32

what does op mean?

jessdemi 0

Friday 13 August 2010 9:33

well actually still a virgin :) took human anatomy for nursing classes :) but thanks anyways :)

HeatherXCore 0

Friday 13 August 2010 9:34

11- haha "Do you feel anything?" "No" "Well it hurts me". also oral sex is, simply put, licking the genitals. How does one mess that up? If you're referring to sex...well there's a stick and a hole. Unless he sticks it in the butt he should have been able to figure it out :P