Nobody wants to dance with me By Lewis - 24/01/2019 00:30 I really don't understand why... I agree, your life sucks 254 You deserved it 136 Share Tweet Share
Today, I got out of the hospital for the second time in a week. The first time was for a seizure that my cat induced by tripping me over. The second was to get stitches from the Doberman that had decided to take over my front yard while I was gone. Apparently I was intruding. FML I agree, your life sucks 27 267 You deserved it 2 468
Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML I agree, your life sucks 45 690 You deserved it 4 635
Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML I agree, your life sucks 56 472 You deserved it 6 311
Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 529 You deserved it 137
Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML I agree, your life sucks 21 893 You deserved it 41 420
Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML I agree, your life sucks 27 950 You deserved it 1 925
That's the best dance ever 😍
Fierce! rawrrr!