Money, Shopping Thief No joke

No joke

ohfuxx - 23/03/2022 10:00

Today, I learned that you can't fool the self-checkout scanner by taking six items and only paying for two. Sometimes, two big security guards may grab you by both arms and take you to their office. To convince them to let me off the hook, I desperately said that it was just a joke. They weren't laughing. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

STOP!

What's that beeping noise?? - 02/10/2025 12:00

Today, at a self-checkout, I scanned all my items, bagged them, and left. Only when I got outside did I realize I had completely forgotten to pay. I then noticed that security was running to stop me, and I had to explain that I wasn’t a thief, just an idiot. FML

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The cat's out of the bag

Anonymous - 26/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML

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I hate these machines

Mortified - 31/07/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML

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J'accuse !

Anonymous - 10/08/2010 21:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

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Supermarket sweep

Anonymous - 20/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was using self-checkout at the grocery store, and the machine flipped out and started randomly announcing, "Please wait for assistance." No one came to help, but the machine just kept loudly repeating it until everyone stared at me like I was trying to steal grapes. FML

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Who is you?

iamnotuseless - 10/12/2010 11:37

Today, I went to my local pharmacy. Walking in, the security guard rudely asked me what I was going to buy. I brushed him off and walked in. I was paying and told the cashier what happened. She said, "Sorry, we get a lot of hobos, they tend to steal." FML

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Help!

clip_kate - 01/07/2016 02:36

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

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lonelyheart4ever - 13/08/2016 01:58 - United States - Norman Park

Today, a man finally was flirting with me in a supermarket checkout lane, even offering to help unload my groceries onto the conveyor. Turns out he was just distracting everyone so his partner in crime could steal $200 from the cash register. I had to give a witness statement to the manager. FML

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what_the_hell - 20/06/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

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Nice try

Not a thief!! - 11/01/2026 22:00

Today, I was grocery shopping and treated myself to fresh flowers. At self-checkout, I scanned everything, paid and left. An employee ran after me to ask if I’d paid for the flowers. I’d scanned them as bananas, paying 68 cents instead of $12. I awkwardly scuttled back inside to “fix it.” FML

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kitten79TX 5

Wednesday 23 March 2022 15:00

So, lemme get this straight... you tried to steal. you got caught. You got detained because you got caught trying to steal. And you expect sympathy? Is that about right? How about this for a life plan....DON'T FRIGGIN BREAK THE LAW... you're lucky you weren't arrested.

LunaEevee13 25

Wednesday 23 March 2022 12:36

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

LunaEevee13 25

Wednesday 23 March 2022 12:36

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

poopface82 23

Wednesday 23 March 2022 13:06

Have you never used a self-checkout scanner? Those things compare what you scanned to the weight of your product. You would have been lucky to pilfer ONE of those items, let alone four. YDI big time for being a clueless knob.

kitten79TX 5

Wednesday 23 March 2022 15:00

BurnInDemonFire 35

Wednesday 23 March 2022 15:09

As the wisest of us once said: "STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLE!"

theark 14

Wednesday 23 March 2022 16:27

That’s a very disproportionate # of items taken compared to bought

Brightside86 30

Thursday 24 March 2022 13:23

To her very lofty defense, having self checkout doubles the amount of shrinkage. That tells me that there must be ways people are at least occasionally getting by the security measures put in place.