Health, Wake up Scary "Nice alarm you've got there"

"Nice alarm you've got there"

JoanT - 14/07/2020 09:43

Today, I woke myself up by pinching my nipple between my elbow and the bed. This isn’t the first time. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Kinky Crab

Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

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IHaveTwoOwies - 06/10/2017 13:00

Today, I pinched a nerve in my shoulder while pulling the bedcovers higher in the morning. After excruciating pain all day, I climbed back into bed at night, twisting my knee in the process. FML

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Wakey wakey

sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

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Bittie

Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

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Meow!

patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

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Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

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Freaky...

shinra - 18/07/2018 20:30

Today, it's the third time in a row that I've woken myself up in the middle of the night by pouring freezing cold water on myself. I didn’t even have water on my nightstand last night. I woke up in the kitchen. FML

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What a tit

Anonymous - 17/01/2021 10:59 - United States - Farmingdale

Today, I stabbed myself in the nipple with scissors trying to cut an opening in the supposedly hands-free pumping bra I just bought. I breastfeed my 5-day-old. FML

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PANIC

Anonymous - 29/12/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, I woke up from a nap and thought I felt somebody's arm in my bed. I frantically start hitting it and start screaming. I soon realized it was my own arm. I'd fallen asleep on it, and it was completely numb, I couldn't feel a thing. FML

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Night fight

FistFighter - 09/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

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UbuntuElphie 16

Tuesday 18 August 2020 9:38

How the **** do you even do that? Absolutely, FYL!

JoanT 11

Tuesday 25 August 2020 8:33

Big ass boobs 😂😂

UbuntuElphie 16

Tuesday 18 August 2020 9:38

How the **** do you even do that? Absolutely, FYL!

JoanT 11

Tuesday 25 August 2020 8:33

Big ass boobs 😂😂

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

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Today, my roommate wants me to leave for a bit so she can “have a ton of fun.” Is it horrible that I wish it was me, because I can’t remember how long it’s been since I had any “fun"? FML

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Today, we moved desks for the umpteenth time, and my supervisor stuffed me in a corner by the door with no one around to talk to. The worst thing is I hear the badge reader beep every few seconds. It's already driving me crazy. FML

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Today, I found out I'm allergic to my wife's new medicated handcream after I came down with a nasty, itchy rash on my chest, stomach, cock, and balls. FML

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Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

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Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

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