Injury Intimacy Nasty

Nasty

Anonymous - 30/08/2011 11:24 - Australia

Today, I got my first hand job. I started bleeding. FML

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Traumatized knob

Anonymous - 10/03/2015 19:11

Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML

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southernluxe - 04/09/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, I got my first handjob. She ripped out a pube. It hurt so bad my eyes teared up. She asked what was wrong and not wanting to make her feel guilty I had to tell her it was "Just so good." FML

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JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

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Frustrated wank

Anonymous - 05/10/2023 19:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. Apparently, I was so bad at it that he eventually just slapped my hand away and angrily said he'd do it himself. FML

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Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

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anonymous - 02/11/2015 03:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

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She's electric

nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his dick and shocked him. FML

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Nosebleed

bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I've ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

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Anonymous - 25/10/2014 01:32 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML

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Congrats

Anonymous - 27/01/2013 22:44 - Canada - Rosetown

Today, after making love to my boyfriend for the first time, he shook my hand and said, "Good job." FML

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AsainChick 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 15:56

You shoul probably get that checked out...

saIty 17

Tuesday 30 August 2011 15:58

That's when you know your pleaser is giving 120%.

nekro_onslaught 0

Tuesday 30 August 2011 23:51

Lol lightweight

monagro 22

Tuesday 30 August 2011 23:54

Did she circumcise you?

Danielt104 6

Tuesday 30 August 2011 23:55

What?!?

mightyiollan2 3

Tuesday 30 August 2011 23:59

how do you do something like that

lindseyluvszac 4

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:15

wat the **** you nasty ass shit

TheNewGuy03 28

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:21

...or his dick-nity.

Kingbreezy04 10

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:21

Damn was she wearing leather gloves.....

JeffreyLH 5

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:40

Ow wtf. Hurt a bit just from reading this. Lol

Sarojin 0

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:40

Live and learn. haha

sicnesses 6

Wednesday 31 August 2011 0:40

Must have been pretty good!

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my girlfriend won't stop complaining about the recent lack of intimacy in our relationship. There's an easy solution to this problem, but I'm currently covered in poison ivy rashes and she refuses to let me touch her until they clear up. Guess I'd better get used to itching and whining. FML

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Today, it's the fifth long-term boyfriend I’ve dumped because I want to be a mother but they didn’t want to be fathers. In fact, the last one laughed in my face and told me he’d be willing to get a cat, because cats require less effort than dogs, and don’t interrupt his PS4 time after work. FML

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Today, I'm horribly sick with a stomach bug. My wife insists on yelling for my help every fifteen minutes, saying, "If you want kids, you better get used to this. They don't just go away when you're sick." When she's sick, however, she expects to be treated like a princess. FML

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Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML

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Today, my hockey gear is in Jacksonville, Florida. Too bad my game in three hours is in Dallas, Texas. FML

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Today, I was sitting in a train when the old lady sitting next to me started staring at me. I asked her if she was OK, and she exclaimed, "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?" The entire train trip went like this. FML

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