Animals, Food Birds MORE! MORE! - FML

MORE! MORE!

bursteardrums - - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Enjoy the sirens

Anonymous - 17/03/2023 04:00

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

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weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

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Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

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Impressive

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

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Anonymous - 23/12/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

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In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

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Anonymous - 20/01/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

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sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

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What did you say?

What? - 22/01/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

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Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

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iAmScrubs 19

Tuesday 16 August 2011 18:54

Be gentle when you break the news to it, but the parrot needs to go to rehab. It might be screaming now, but the next step is orange juice injections.

firegirl1993 21

Tuesday 16 August 2011 18:53

Polly want an orange

V19Spartan 1

Wednesday 17 August 2011 2:56

Orange is slang for cocaine....

IloveyouJon 11

Wednesday 17 August 2011 3:25

I read parent instead of parrot :s I was thinking WTH

jadejazmyn 5

Wednesday 17 August 2011 4:28

smack the bird

NOWAYJOSE 14

Wednesday 17 August 2011 4:33

Give it a lemon.

Tyger44 1

Wednesday 17 August 2011 4:46

Next time,make it addicted to nuts.u'll always have a pair lying around

chahacha599 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 5:46

Got u on a whip! Wachow!

Ringerace 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 6:01

Thought it said "parents" instead of parrots lol

NYR1926 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 6:26

YDI for owning a parrot

chimcharx3 15

Wednesday 17 August 2011 7:32

Consider yourself lucky -.- my parrot yells for NO reason

PandaPandy 6

Wednesday 17 August 2011 7:40

Easy just go buy more oranges but only give it half so you have more :3

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my mom found my anime drawings and tore them up because she “didn’t raise some filthy porn artist.” I admit the pictures were kind of porny, but I’m an artist and those images were done to my customer's very specific description. My mom just cost me weeks of detailed drawing and £2000. FML

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Today, I was snorkeling when a stingray suddenly appeared when I thought I was just looking at sand. It startled me, so my heel made contact with a sea urchin so that then startled me, and my other foot hit another one. FML

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Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML

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Today, the company where I used to work at announced that there would be a staff reduction because of the low income caused by the pandemic. I just quit yesterday in favor of another job. All of my former workmates are getting paid their respective settlements because of this termination, while I'm not. FML

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Today, I went on a Tinder date with a guy who insisted that I go with him to his friend's house party to meet people and socialize, as I'm new to the city. When I got there, I realised he had invited two other girls as his date as well. FML

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Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML

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