Intimacy Mix up

Mix up

Jon - 07/06/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages, she said, "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said, "But it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

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You OK hun?

notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

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Damn you, Siri

Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

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Oddly specific

RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

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Play it cool

Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

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Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

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Handy

Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

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Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

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Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

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Cool off

chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

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Addicted to love

Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

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koda_fml 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:32

Why would anyone open up to their mom about masturbation.

breakthesky 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:16

Nice. Maybe she thinks you meant texting feels good and every guy does it too? Right? Right? :/

HeyThereGorgeous 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:54

Dude how would she have known you were masterbating if you were outside the shower looking at your phone?!?!?

4ube_fml 6

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:57

90% of women and men **********. And the rest lies :) #28 :D indeed

BnaLovesZsk25 0

Monday 1 November 2010 0:54

I am 18 years old and have never masturbated. I have mo reason to lie considering I don't know any of you. never appealed to me. might be because my whole life my mom said it was a nasty thing to do. (my mom was molested at 14 so anything sexual is disgusting to her). so not everyone who say they don't do it is lying. my bf hates that I don't but I have no interest.

KRS_13 0

Thursday 5 January 2012 23:50

#188- seem legit

jncwmnd 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 17:02

lol #9..my stupid ex used to think like that...if i would spit it out he would yell at me, and sexually speaking, according to him he was only allowed to "finish" inside of anywhere because otherwise it is wasting it

crazydope14 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 17:14

Wow. Über suckage. Fyl

dan0 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 17:35

You are an idiot

heyyou1203 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 17:35

while masturbation is totally normal and healthy for both men and women, I do agree that it's not exactly something you discuss with your parents. Just like you wouldn't talk about you sex life with them. As for #7 or other ppl who say they don't, if they have a consistent b/f or g/f or **** buddy or w/e, maybe they get laid every day! so that waiting til their next sexcapade won't impede their "timing" so to speak.