Intimacy Mix up

Mix up

Jon - 07/06/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages, she said, "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said, "But it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

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You OK hun?

notexactly - 29/12/2009 00:48 - Sweden

Today, the guy I like called me, and my mom picked up. Just as it happened, I slipped and fell in the shower, and was sitting there moaning. The guy asked if he could speak to me, but my mom heard me and answered, "Well, she's masturbating right now, but I'll tell her to call you later!" FML

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Damn you, Siri

Anonymous - 02/09/2017 00:00 - United States

Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML

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Oddly specific

RowerBud - 02/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I realized I masturbate too much when I got turned on by the smell of my shampoo. FML

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Play it cool

Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

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Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

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Handy

Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

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Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

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Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

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Cool off

chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

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Addicted to love

Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

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koda_fml 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:32

Why would anyone open up to their mom about masturbation.

breakthesky 0

Sunday 7 June 2009 16:16

Nice. Maybe she thinks you meant texting feels good and every guy does it too? Right? Right? :/

monkey314159 0

Monday 15 June 2009 3:39

"it feels so good", that makes you sound hot for your mom.

ditzykayla 0

Tuesday 23 June 2009 5:37

lol as much as that sucks...ydi for jumping to conclusions. lol i've learned the hard way...always let them finish what they are saying...or if your not real clear on what the topic is....ask. lol. been there done that.

FluffyChan 2

Thursday 3 September 2009 22:51

You should have been like, "Lol, jk. I know mom. XD"

loveyahun 0

Thursday 19 November 2009 6:10

UHM... Wow O.O

terriibabiiix23 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 2:37

wow dude your reallly werid and stupid .

blakeb 0

Wednesday 31 March 2010 2:24

wow your such a fuken dumb ass retard

ForTheMotherland 0

Thursday 1 July 2010 17:24

You could have just said you were talking about showering...

Winter247 2

Tuesday 10 August 2010 6:01

okay umm why the **** would you say that even if she was talking about you wacking it? stupid, probably fakee

loganholt19_fml 0

Friday 18 March 2011 20:39

your an absolute moron. now not only will it be awkward to take a shower in your own home, but now its gonna be awkward to text around her, or even have your own door shut. good job...idiot..