Health, Phone calls, Embarrassing Farts Mambo Number 5

Mambo Number 5

Anonymous - 12/07/2022 18:00

Today, having been on hold on the phone for several minutes, I felt the need to release a fart. Just as I started my release, they picked up. They definitely heard. FML

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combovercaiti_ - 25/01/2019 12:00

Today, I was waiting in line at the store trying to hold in a fart. I get to the cash register and the lady made me laugh and the fart slipped out. Only it was much louder than it was supposed to be, because I was squeezing my butt cheeks together, so it made a clapping sound. It was heard. FML

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workerbee - 27/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

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urrrppp - 26/03/2010 09:44 - Netherlands

Today, I got through to the phone interview stage for a great job. When the phone rang, I answered and suddenly, spontaneously, burped really loudly. The interviewer hung up. FML

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Mute

Gassy Gal - 21/03/2021 05:01

Today, I was feeling gassy at work so I used my mute button. Later on in the day, I realized my mute button was disabled. Everyone heard me fart and it's recorded. FML

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The unexpected

RikkiTikkiTavi - 12/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was working at my desk and wearing my new noise cancelling headphones. I couldn’t hear anyone around me, so I let out a nice long fart. Every desk behind me was occupied and the fart was not silent. FML

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Blame the pooch

anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

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Queef Richards

Anonymous - 31/10/2020 14:02

Today, I had two customers who had some questions about their phones. Walking over, my cooch graced us with an audible fart sound that I‘m sure everybody heard. FML

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silent one - 12/09/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

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GHTD - 27/01/2011 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML

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Fartmageddon

dusty bean -

Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML

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Ubehage 32

Tuesday 12 July 2022 20:54

Why would you fart into the phone?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 12 July 2022 21:33

You're lucky my patented Smell-o-phone hasn't gotten the market share it deserves!

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 12 July 2022 18:11

Blame it on the pets or roommates?

Ubehage 32

Tuesday 12 July 2022 20:55

Or better yet, not be afraid to admit that you are alive and therefor you fart.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 12 July 2022 21:40

Ego fart, ergo sum.

Ubehage 32

Tuesday 12 July 2022 20:54

Why would you fart into the phone?

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 12 July 2022 21:33

You're lucky my patented Smell-o-phone hasn't gotten the market share it deserves!

tiptoppc 19

Wednesday 13 July 2022 21:46

Mute buttons exist btw. Ydi

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

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Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

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Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML

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Today, I accidentally ran a stop sign. It wouldn't have been so bad if the stop sign hadn't been in a traffic cop's hands. FML

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Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

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Today, I told my mom that I'd vomited blood. She simply said, “Good” and went back to watching TV. FML

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