Sex, Creepy, Wanker, Spiders Intimacy Love is love

Love is love

SpiderMan - 12/03/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor… and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Troubling

Anonymous - 15/12/2010 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

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Hey there little buddy

Anonymous - 07/02/2023 01:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

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yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

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Anonymous - 05/09/2015 02:22 - United States - Purchase

Today, I was having a relaxing "wank", as they might say on Doctor Who, when a large spider descended from its web and came practically eye-to-eye with me. I screamed like a bitch and fell off my bed, pants around my ankles. Then my sister ran in to see what was wrong. FML

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jrocks - 19/05/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

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dickwebs - 22/11/2010 03:42 - Germany

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

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jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

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thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

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Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

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Been here long?

Anonymous - 14/10/2022 14:00

Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML

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btopishere 1

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:11

That's how Peter Parker was created.

Crudez0rz 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 9:08

Who the **** masturbates into a sock?!?! hahaha

JakeVee 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 1:50

Socks are pretty great, not going to lie. You know, no mess, more pleasure, but its a one time use 'til you wash em again. Spank socks? Inside out? Ew, you're touching dried sperm man! And yeah- If a spider was by my ****, I would die. DIE

Kellayy 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 2:05

I love how your nickname is SpiderMan XD!!!

jokerbaby21 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 6:01

ew. just ew.

nono_fml 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 8:13

haha that was awesomely funny and now im going to bed. thanks fml you made my day.

Nilorac 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 20:29

EWWWWW!

HotTamale092 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 22:27

hahahhahaha sucks for the spider...

nyyfan4613 0

Tuesday 17 March 2009 23:51

ewww bro. I could never wear that sock again. Plus wtf ur gonna get rug burn on ur dick.

Riceman80 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 1:29

As for the fella that wrote the FML from the Spider's perspective; He's very right. No matter what any woman will ever say to you, you can always shoot back with "Oh yeah? That's not what the spider in my sock thought!" ... Unless, of course, you were intending to have follow-up sex with this woman, at which point I would just grin and bear the jokes.