Leave us alone - FML

Leave us alone

Ghabbie - 10/10/2025 15:00

Today, a lady tried to call the cops on me and "child services" because she thought I'd kidnapped my white son. I'm African-American and I'd adopted him. I even showed her the adoption decree, but according to her, "You can't fool me, it's AI-generated! I know how you people work!" FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

I'm innocent!

Garrison - 18/12/2017 15:40 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I was arrested for kidnapping a child. MY child. Do you know how hard it is as a white man to convince a police officer that a latino toddler screaming, "Stranger danger!" is yours? FML

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QAnon weirdoes

my kid! - 24/10/2020 14:02 - United States

Today, some idiot with a #saveourchildren shirt followed me around a store. When I finally asked the fucker what their problem was, they started screaming, asking why I was holding hands with black children that obviously didn’t belong to me. I’m white. Their mom is black. They’re my kids. FML

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When Stranger Danger goes feral

Anonymous - 18/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was beaten up by a random dude for trying to pick my own son up from school. I'm pasty white, my wife is black, and our son was visibly born black, so I was beaten up for attempted kidnapping, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. FML

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It's a learned behavior

laurilove7 - 27/04/2021 20:01

Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Turns out, an African-American girl approached her and tried to play with her, but my daughter cut her off and said, "I don’t want to play with a black person." I have no idea where she learned this. FML

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Anonymous - 24/09/2012 02:26 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents changed the code on our alarm system while they were out of town. The police could not verify I was their son, despite spending hours trying to get hold of them. They thought it was just another telemarketer. FML

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Never try this at home

Anonymous - 06/08/2023 13:00 - United States - Grass Valley

Today, a bunch of cops showed up at my house demanding to see my wife to make sure she was OK. Turns out my insane out-of-state daughter swatted me, calling 911 to tell them I had tied up my wife, and been impersonating her for a week. FML

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CJ 84 - 19/01/2019 14:00

Today, I stopped and helped a young lady stuck on the side of the road. Guess who got accused of forcing myself and got charged with impersonating a police officer. FML

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baddad - 23/09/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

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The genetics expert has logged on

Fucking moron - 27/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, I met my "grandson". Even though my son and his wife are both lily white, the child was clearly half-black. I pulled my son aside to have a word, but he said, "Her grandmother was black and she has recessive genes, it's really rare." I can't believe I raised this dumbass. FML

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Unsuitable suitor

Anonymous - 24/08/2018 18:30

Today, during a family reunion, my daughter accused me of being a racist because I won't let her date a black guy. I do not have a racist bone in my body, but this dude is an actual gang member, and he has killed people before. Nobody believes me. FML

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GoogieWithers 23

Friday 10 October 2025 15:39

Obviously she was just racist then.

BurnInDemonFire 35

Friday 10 October 2025 17:31

Racist and offensive to us AI bots. I mean... beep...

GoogieWithers 23

Friday 10 October 2025 15:39

Obviously she was just racist then.

BurnInDemonFire 35

Friday 10 October 2025 17:31

Racist and offensive to us AI bots. I mean... beep...

JackWood 20

Friday 10 October 2025 22:19

A true FML if there ever was one sorry for your troubles.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Sunday 12 October 2025 6:01

Yet if you'd been white and the kid had been black, she wouldn't have cared. Racist jerk.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

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Today, I went to my little cousin's school to pick her up and it happened to be my old elementary school. I saw my old teacher and went up to say hi, and after a few minutes she goes "Aren't you the girl who's dad always came in drunk on parent's day?" Nice to know that's how I'm remembered. FML

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Today, my friend told me that my brother sent her a picture of his dick. How did she tell me this? By sending me the picture. FML

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Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

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Today, whenever I leave my husband alone with the kids, he still refers to it as "babysitting", especially when he’s complaining about it to his brothers as the reason he never has fun anymore. I always assumed dads were parents too, not unpaid babysitters who get to whine about it. FML

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Today, against the will of the kids in my class, we played kick ball. The first time I rolled the ball, the tallest, biggest kid kicked it as hard as he could. I caught it though, with my nuts. FML

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