Intimacy Hot and… greasy - FML

Hot and… greasy

cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 02/06/2012 10:24 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

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ch4nny - 29/08/2014 01:47 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

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And they say romance is dead…

BaconBreathBlonde - 30/10/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

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Kinky

Anonymous - 11/08/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

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fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

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confused - 28/09/2011 04:55 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

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Dad jokes

phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

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JK - 01/02/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML

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That kidnapped kink

georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

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sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

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XtraEzeee 8

Friday 20 July 2012 1:17

Of course he's serious. Bacon is no laughing matter.

mike14991499 9

Friday 20 July 2012 1:16

You can't ruin sex with bacon, right?

iamorange 2

Sunday 22 July 2012 0:38

Bacon. It's that important

projudy 9

Sunday 22 July 2012 1:33

At least he didn't suggest chili peppers.

hecallsmedarlin 7

Sunday 22 July 2012 7:20

What's wrong with that?! Sex and bacon always go hand in hand. :)

TheYamBagga 5

Sunday 22 July 2012 7:22

Bacon strips, bacon strips, bacon strips, bacon.....strip

daybar12 8

Monday 23 July 2012 4:26

I'm sorry but I really don't understand all these bacon jokes that seem to be everywhere lately...Yah,bacons good...but I just don't get it.

RadioOctopus 16

Monday 23 July 2012 4:46

Can't go wrong with bacon.

Macscotty 9

Monday 23 July 2012 9:38

What's even better is one of those random magazines you can buy at Walmart about celebrities and such, specifically said "Get more out of your sex life be seducing her with bacon." I can't make this up.

MikeHauncho2010 4

Monday 23 July 2012 12:09

Smart man

sockmunky 3

Monday 23 July 2012 21:15

I see no wrong

mpalmiter4717 8

Wednesday 25 July 2012 20:37

Yum. Loosen up

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got locked inside my office again by my co-workers because they had forgotten I was still around when they left. This happens 1 or 2 times a week. FML

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Today, I came home after having traveled abroad for the last two months. Before I left, I'd asked my dad to take care of my fish, and he promised they'd be safe with him. I found them all decomposing. FML

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Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

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Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me about the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

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Today, I pranked my friend and started a fake fight. However, she opened up and admitted to doing a bunch of stuff. We've now stopped being friends. FML

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Today, I realised just how badly I procrastinate because I wanted to take a nap before going out for a friend's birthday, but I kept putting it off until I simply didn't have the time. FML

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