Intimacy, Poopoo peepee Wanker Home alone

Home alone

Anonymous - 15/11/2021 17:00

Today, I was in the bathroom taking a massive dump, with the door closed, moaning and yelling to get it out, knowing I was home alone. When it was done, I walked out to see my mother on the couch, who said, "I know masturbation is normal, but please try to do it while we're not here." FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

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me - 08/06/2012 14:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

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Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

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seaweedlady - 21/06/2011 14:49 - United States

Today, my mother tried to have a conversation with me. While she was taking a piss. With the bathroom door wide open. FML

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Open door policy

Anonymous - 09/03/2021 23:01

Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML

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Lock your doors

Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

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Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

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June - 19/05/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

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Late reaction

fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

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Play it cool

Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

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Plop 17

Monday 15 November 2021 17:24

Time to eat some freaking fiber dude.

draghkar 18

Tuesday 16 November 2021 0:54

“Who’s number two’s boss?!?”

Plop 17

Monday 15 November 2021 17:24

Time to eat some freaking fiber dude.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 15 November 2021 22:34

Listen well! With a name like Plop, he must know what he's talking about.

draghkar 18

Tuesday 16 November 2021 0:54

“Who’s number two’s boss?!?”

Royal Sataness 4

Tuesday 16 November 2021 8:47

see a Dr my dude. working that hard for a shit isn't normal

JasonThorn 20

Wednesday 17 November 2021 3:18

"Oh, no. I was just taking a dump the size of a birthday cake! I mean, I thought I was going to need a CROWBAR for it. Let me tell you what it looked like, and how it felt pushing...hey, where'd you go, Mom?"