Love Get away from me - FML

Get away from me

Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

snitchovich - 27/05/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

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Mr. Smooth

funkmylife69 - 23/09/2019 06:06

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

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Ad-s - 14/01/2009 05:01 - France

Today, I got together with a small gathering of friends in a bar. I go up to the bar to order something, but with all the music and noise, the barman can't hear what I'm trying to say, so he leans forward, cocking his ear towards me. For some reason, I thought he was being friendly so I kissed him as if we were saying hello to each other. FML

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Charming

Anonymous - 27/09/2024 20:00 - Australia

Today, I was on a date, everything was charming and fun, so I went in for a kiss. She turned her head at the last second, and I ended up kissing her ear. We both went on to pretend that it didn’t happen, but the silence was deafening. FML

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Joe Smooth move

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

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H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

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Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

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Awww, my feefees

Erick - 11/05/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I saw a beautiful girl at the bar. I attempted to be friendly and hit her up for a chat. She called me a “creep” and told me to get lost. A few moments later, another guy does the exact same thing I did and she smiled and kept flirting. FML

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0ptimu5 - 11/09/2009 04:39 - Australia

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

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anonymous neighbor - 30/01/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

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Jimboom 11

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:23

Mmm. Kinky. Though I'm more of a traditional kinda guy. I only let them break a finger or a toe on the first date.

LilKonvicted 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 12:11

WATHEHELL?

proudstub 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 18:42

run Forrest run (and don't go back again to that freaky creepy bar)

nightngale 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 19:00

whaaaa?

Art_Vandeley 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 19:15

That`s a keeper ;)

lazorzpewpew 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 19:28

So did she?!

hahayou12345 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 19:31

Kinky, eccentric, you name it. Go for her!

Morokea 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 19:35

Collarbone is kind of weird. She was probably messing with you.

rukusrazor 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 19:39

What's her FMYLIFE.com handle? I'd hit hit.

FBIWarning 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 20:21

kinky, still sounds kinda hot

DeeJayD 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 20:22

Oooooookaaaaaaay...

chea_chea 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 20:26

So what happened after that?

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, as I was teaching my 10th grade biology honors class, a student came in with a dead frog and asked if we could dissect it. He tried to toss it to me and missed, so it landed in a girl's lap. She threw up all over me. FML

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Today, for my mom's 50th birthday, all she wanted was a certain gold bracelet. It was too much money for me to buy, so I bought the same one in silver. Right before I gave it to her, my older sister gave her the gold bracelet, which made her cry. When I gave her my present, she just said, "Oh." FML

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Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML

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Today, I auditioned for the role of Rizzo in a local production of Grease. The director told me I wasn't tough enough, and that my persona too sweet and childlike for the part. I asked if I should instead try out to play Sandy. He replied, "I was being nice. Honestly, you're ugly and can't act." FML

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Today, I came across a friend on Instagram. She's engaged… to my abusive ex… who has been stalking and harassing me lately. She was wearing the ring he gave me. FML

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Nevermind...

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