Sex, Awkward Intimacy Eyebleach

Eyebleach

Nomoretexting - 01/11/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I received a 4-page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight, in full detail. I'm one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Fight your own battles

Anonymous - 01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

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Anonymous - 05/08/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

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Girl power!

Anonymous - 22/03/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was trying to break up with my boyfriend over text. I was being really careful to phrase it nicely, and I hit send with a sigh of relief. Except I sent the text to my mom, who now keeps sending me unsolicited advice about my "love life" with an occasional "You go, girl!" FML

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isystuff - 01/02/2011 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and left me crying in the street. I then got a text from my mom saying how pathetic my love life was. Apparently, it was a mass text message and she accidentally added me to the list. FML

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wildthing - 01/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

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HOW COULD YOU?

mylifesuckssss - 09/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I received a 7-page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML

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Easy mistake to make

Becca Velveeta - 26/10/2019 14:00

Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML

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Anonymous - 19/07/2015 04:36 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

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lisahb - 19/06/2012 22:16 - United States - Detroit

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

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Sexy talk

... - 18/02/2018 01:30

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

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andrewms 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 12:12

you know you liked it

picturetaker 0

Sunday 1 November 2009 12:23

hahahaha FYL. I always double check who I'm sending my dirty texts too. that would have been a bit awkward.

CallMeHush 0

Monday 2 November 2009 18:42

Lucky bastard, most kids just get a hug and a peck on the cheek when they get home.

jadetothes 0

Tuesday 3 November 2009 0:24

i bet it wasn't meant for her boyfriend at all ;)

tigerg33 0

Tuesday 3 November 2009 0:26

wow how embaressing. she is human though

pirateatc 0

Tuesday 3 November 2009 5:43

ewww!

ForgottenRemix0 0

Tuesday 3 November 2009 19:30

gross!! and wow, epic fail. you should have kept it goin though

thesadpiggy 0

Wednesday 4 November 2009 20:58

LOL awww that must've been traumatic

SpaceAstronaut 0

Wednesday 4 November 2009 23:39

Woooooooooow, fyl

happyhak 5

Monday 16 November 2009 22:39

eww! u must have been freaked out! soz bout tht, man!

shadowskater 0

Tuesday 24 November 2009 2:56

lol FYL that sucks

cmm724 0

Tuesday 8 December 2009 6:24

that's so ******* hilarious!! why did you keep reading?

lurch87 18

Tuesday 21 January 2014 14:29

that's a good point

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML

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Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

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Today, I had to listen to my mother painstakingly spell out to me why broken glass is extremely dangerous. Feeling insulted, I jokingly asked her if she thought I was "retarded". I then got yelled at for "swearing." I'm a fucking adult, but my overprotective and condescending mother seems to think otherwise. FML

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Today, I went to get a facial. I forgot my contact case so I put them into paper cup. My beautician thought it was leftover water from someone else, and threw my only pair of vision aid away. I scuttled home half blind. FML

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Today, I wore my new shoes to work, feeling confident. Halfway through the day, I found out that I'd forgotten to remove a giant price sticker on the left sole. My boss pointed it out during a meeting, as I crossed my legs. FML

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Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

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