Sex, Drunk Intimacy Drunken antics

Drunken antics

Screwed - 22/04/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML

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Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

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Wow - 11/04/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

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whereismyprince? - 18/12/2013 17:01 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

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Anonymous - 06/10/2011 15:23 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

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blackntangirl - 18/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML

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Sounds like quite the catch

Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

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anon - 27/07/2015 04:43 - United States

Today, I tried to wake my boyfriend up to sex. When I went to touch his penis, he elbowed me in the face, mumbled an apology and began snoring again. FML

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Love is love

Anonymous - 27/03/2022 01:59

Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML

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bobin - 29/08/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

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Anonymous - 18/04/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

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ffpoisongirl 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:15

Come on honey, never insult a guy about his downstairs mixup. He'll lash out. No offense, but YDI.

LuckyCharms_fml 0

Wednesday 22 April 2009 23:14

He was just pissed off his junk was malfunctioning

neverland_fml 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 3:21

YDI. **** around and you'll only meet more of the same. The guy isn't in it for you, he's in it for your hole so he has no reason to be kind to you.

playful2088 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 3:22

that guy is full of ****. girls don't fart.

manlyman 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 3:33

wow, guy was lashing out. Maybe if his dick worked he'd wouldn't have cared

had_a_bad_day 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 4:07

His fml should be that your farting was more than his body could do

Nick376 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 4:13

There are a lot of puritans on this site.

wichitagirl87 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 6:47

lmao yeah you deserve that one

leilaniii 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 6:56

******* strangers isnt sucha good idea eh

cd5love96 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 7:27

You're a hoe. Ever hear of STD's? Maybe he didn't get hard because you were not appealing to him. The alcohol was probably wearing off.

trilo3000 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 7:39

shouldent be a ****. Bitch.

everydayisFML 0

Thursday 23 April 2009 8:41

You're lucky all you got was dissed on bodily functions and not dead in a cars trunk... seriously, I know you're a *****, but in this day and age, do even ****** really bring strangers home for sex? This shouldn't be an FML, this should be a Thank God For My Life. Unbelievable.