Intimacy Dad jokes

Dad jokes

phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

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Hang ups

at least put on sexy underwear - 01/09/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML

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T-Guy - 03/07/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

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beaverless - 02/05/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML

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Don't give up

Frustrated - 24/08/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my wife complained that our sex life is too boring and vanilla. I have spent the last two years suggesting ideas to keep it interesting: S&M, swinging, roleplay, cosplay, public play, new toys, you name it. All I ever hear is, "Eww you pervert, that is disgusting and sick, how dare you even mention that." FML

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That kidnapped kink

georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

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Hot and… greasy

cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

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milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

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Desperate

yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

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Tiger King

??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

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Sounds hot

oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

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FlashBurn 13

Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.

dannyboy66 7

Monday 16 May 2011 12:06

sounds spicy

Ann23 7

Monday 16 May 2011 17:34

well on the positive side, she didn't break up with you at subway.

crazi0957 0

Monday 16 May 2011 22:27

Are you the "my gf dumped me at subway" poster? Either way, I dont see the relevance the the fml.

Zomg_Okay 26

Monday 16 May 2011 17:40

I'd say 'FYL for being awesome' but that wouldn't make much sense...

Pshhyah 7

Monday 16 May 2011 17:40

I would have just laughed. I think that is really funny(:

perdix 29

Monday 16 May 2011 17:41

Dumb ass! I hope you ask for "head" and your girlfriend replicates that famous scene from "The Godfather.". Then, you'll see how ******* funny being literal can be.

carmy25 0

Monday 16 May 2011 17:47

I'm half half on this on one hand if the spices where all out and scattered on the sheets I would be like wtf. Specially if I was anticipating something really fun and then it turned out I couldn't even have sex on the bed in fear of getting spices up my u know wats. But if they where still I'n the bottle that would be fking hilarious and I would have jumped ur bones right there.