Sex, Awkward Intimacy Choking hazard - FML

Choking hazard

notsexy - 09/05/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

34 109

83 441

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Sexy time

Anonymous - 30/07/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

25 517

59 463

Work on your skills

banana - 26/02/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

16 936

74 603

Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

13 102

40 076

flavored - 18/11/2013 15:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

49 240

19 482

eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

4 515

818

Jammed

me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

25 488

3 775

Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

16 755

42 686

Close but no BJ

nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

59 716

12 222

Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

59 314

7 773

Quickshot

anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

53 457

6 047

jimmyweee 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:14

Ha, you swallowed the wrong thing.

BlackWolfVII 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:13

Should've practiced on a banana first. Girls. *Facepalm*

NoBounceNoPlay 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:24

Safe sex fail.

Lifeless_search7 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:24

lmbo! hahaha...shows you what you shouldn't be doing! but atleast he knows you swallow! XD

FacePALM24 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:30

I wish I was your boyfriend.

green_room119 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:30

you're just a dumbass

Chra 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:31

x.x. I was eating a banana when I noticed the banana comments. *gag*

Yulia_fml 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:32

And this is why, my friends, we should all have paid attention in sex ed back in high school. Condoms are to be put on with your hands while pinching the tip.

baby_love 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:36

hahaha, loser >.< !

FMY_FYL 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:36

At least you swallowed.

jj732 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:40

lol @ 6 hahaha

herpEs_fml 0

Sunday 10 May 2009 2:42

hahahaha, 666 people think you deserve this

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. She took everything, including the kidney I gave her a year ago. FML

64 062

6 400

Today, my kid kept trying to play in the aisles at Costco and wouldn't listen when I told him to stop. He was spinning in circles when a guy with a cart full of sodas ran into him, rolling over his leg. The first thing my wife said? "Why didn't you tell him to stop?" FML

279

363

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

41 989

26 227

Today, I had eye surgery to try and stop the progression of my eye disease. Being conscious for the surgery, I was given numbing drops before we began. My doctor started cutting my cornea before the drops took effect. FML

2 456

128

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML

25 139

2 424

Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML

44 692

11 285