Intimacy Caught - FML

Caught

Anonymous - 14/10/2011 16:30 - Reserved

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 05/12/2015 03:55 - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

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Not funny anymore

Anonymous - 29/11/2019 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, the security threw out an old man in his 80s who had been caught masturbating while hiding in the ladies' changing room. I thought it was funny until my manager told me to clean up that very same changing room with the old man spunk all over the wall and floor. FML

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No, not now!

Anonymous - - Estonia - Tartu

Today, in a hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

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OhGodWhy - 29/12/2016 23:30 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I caught my coworker masturbating in the bathroom. This was during her shift, while I was mopping the bathroom floors. FML

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iwantaraise - 14/10/2015 01:55 - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

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Anonymous - 23/12/2015 03:19 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML

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Oh, hai Mark!

scarredforlife - 12/02/2016 09:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

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sadfantasy - 31/03/2016 06:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, the mentally-challenged teen who sometimes comes into my restaurant gave me a hug as usual. I thought it was sweet, until a coworker let me know he immediately goes and jacks off in the bathroom after. FML

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Wanker

fired - 09/08/2013 22:17

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

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lindsaykay - 18/04/2012 00:07 - United States

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

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ILoveEggnog 7

Friday 14 October 2011 21:27

I always do it in the model kitchens.

techweed 12

Friday 14 October 2011 21:27

They may be a lot of no smoking signs, but there ain't no no masturbating signs. Happy Fingers!!!

kemando 22

Saturday 15 October 2011 12:17

Hmmm must have been a nice model.

FFUU 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 16:30

*fap fap fap* LOL. You won't be able to once the Masturbation Proclamation is signed and passed!

xxxsupermedicxxx 3

Saturday 15 October 2011 17:50

You didn't take him by the hand did you?

Jesse_D83 0

Saturday 15 October 2011 18:40

What a dumb ass. Everyone knows the best place to beat it in home depot is the staff break room because once you finish you can get a cup of coffee and pastry to go.

gruvychild 17

Saturday 15 October 2011 23:02

You could've had cleanup duty!

il3160 2

Sunday 16 October 2011 3:27

clean up on isle 1

Calyx_fml 21

Sunday 16 October 2011 21:04

Get him a tug toner.

betterbiteme 0

Monday 17 October 2011 4:33

Look how would he had know if he wanted to buy it jokes on you . Lost sale

evilteddybear 0

Monday 17 October 2011 5:00

Help him out!

sxdryv 14

Monday 17 October 2011 18:45

That's one of the most serious and psychological presence indicative of a serial rapist/murderer. I hope he was reported and evaluated by a shrink. No joke!!

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML

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Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML

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Today, I came home to hear my girlfriend break up with me, over the answering machine, with my entire family in the room. FML

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Today, I had to abandon my normal duties and help out the electrician my boss called, all because my boss couldn't handle speaking to him since he was attractive. She's in her fifties. I'm in my twenties and I'm the more mature one. FML

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Today, I asked my boyfriend if I looked alright for our date. He said, "Honey, you look fine, just don't go out in public like that." FML

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Today, I taught my daughter to tell a teacher if she was being bullied. My husband however taught her teachers are useless, and if you punch bullies in the balls really hard, they will bend forwards which puts them in a good position for an uppercut that will knock out teeth. The school is furious. FML

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