Smoking, Fight Miscellaneous Cassius

Cassius

Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Occam's razor

anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:48 - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

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Stealth

Andy - 18/11/2008 21:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a smoke out on the balcony of my apartment. When I was walking back into the house, I walked straight into the large glass sliding door, loudly whacking it with my forehead, subsequently waking up my 2 other flatmates at 2.30am. FML

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Harry - 10/06/2014 01:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

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Just corpsing

Anonymous - 07/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I took a nap on my couch. I woke up three hours later to my neighbor knocking on my door, asking if I was OK because looking from the outside in, they thought I was dead. Guess I sleep like I’ve been hit by a truck. FML

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Smoke break

Ouch - 10/04/2011 08:55 - Canada

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

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Anonymous - 11/01/2018 19:00

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

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BoomHeadshot - 02/05/2012 02:27 - Australia

Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML

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Make it stop!

DBR - 23/04/2009 10:45 - United States

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

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paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

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Chris - 03/04/2011 17:41 - United States

Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML

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Tarion 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:15

You have an awesome dad. Be proud of that. Be a little ashamed that he made you his bitch though.

Tri_fml 5

Wednesday 11 March 2009 16:13

Well at least you know your dad ain't a bitch :d

paintballer2 0

Thursday 17 June 2010 1:49

Asshole that's what you get for smoking fag...

ScaramoucheX 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 21:12

I read this the first time round and got as far as "my father was over the top of me"......... I paniked until I read it again, more carefully. Any way, your dad sounds like Jackie Chan. Lmao! ^_^